A/Muse Me/You

could be broken into shorter lines, but I am not doing it

sharp metaphors shower down silver bullet stilettos
click click clicking on polished concrete tablets, wet
alive revived new ways of blood-letting it all go, baby can you hear it?
I can hear rats tat tat on window pains cold forged barbs aimed
at steely-hearted souls and hard-hearted heels who are our muses
courted, vied for like '(my) first draft (is finished, baby) players'
well known for skills honed in fields strewn with fine minds
that just need a poke to explode heart for art's sake

tough oft rough traded woo pitching muses wanted to keep full
acid-tongue tipped styluses, etching more muse infused, scripted venom

we demand all their waking / sleeping sensations to be directed at us
for the hours we need to begin breathing on our own again.
they are a fix, a tool, night school refresher course- not obsessions
we know where they begin and we control their ends- grains of sand
in our heads, sometimes beds hoping for cultured pearls not just stains
mental quickies desiring to inspire should read the caveat lector line before they sign
there are no guarantees of kindness of any kind just a merry go-go around
of peeling back facades, blaring reflections of each other, virtually
all over, the closer the better, pages soaked with money shots don't reveal the players
so they are reusable like stock images to which we all own the rights

muse, amused or abused with no promises of privacy just emotional piracy
high jacked for high times then be set free willingly with no regrets
just on to the next emotional wrecking party

your tableau is waiting

Reviews

[JR]

Ilene, there's a huge difference, I think, between the poem that is born on the page, then refined to be spoken, and the poem that is born on the lips, then written down. This is of the latter category, and is just amazing. Oh, the ANGER, the rage! You have such a great sense of sound, "click click clicking," "rats tat tat," these descriptions hum and pop, they draw the reader in and echo in their heads, working backwards to the ear. So nicely done, and such an art.

As far as the intro lines go, they are very effective, especially with images like, "silver bullet stilettos," and, "current new ways of blood-letting," this all comes through the screen so clearly... and your reader takes notice.

I have nothing to suggest to improve this, Ilene, it comes at the reader fast and hard, and you don't need to be speaking for your voice to translate. It reads well the first time, so much the rant, and gives off more and more depth with each subsequent reading (I read it four times before the review, and will read it, uh, probably forty more times before I'm done). That's the Gift right there, in a nutshell...

[Steven]

this is defo publishable i. have you tried?

[Siobhan MacIntyre]

Wow! This is so passionate. I too would love to hear this read aloud (no luck this time; can't make it to MO)!

"I can hear rats tat tat on window pains cold forged barbs aimed
at steely-hearted souls and hard-hearted heels who are our muses"

This makes me want to just delete my poem! LOL

[Harold]

Hi Lady,

Woah! This is a lot for little old me. You can find me most days sauntering around the Store. But this is a very high amount of words all crumped and crumbled together in a small space, like the brown frame I live in. That's scary, lady! I tried to read this out loud to Samson but he threatened to put me in the waste-paper basket. He's trying to rent a house and is all stressed about the green paper. What an angry guy! Hopefully he'll put me up for adoption, like cats.

Bye, from Harold!

[Kelly E. Desilet]

"muse, amused or abused with no promises of privacy just emotional piracy
high jacked for high times then be set free willingly with no regrets
just on to the next emotional wrecking party"

love this. it's just too true. this sounds amazing when read aloud. it has a real kick to it...and total class. really reaches down into those parts of us that no one likes to talk about. i dig it.

[David Peters]

I like your prosody. it reads like my thoughts

[Ryan Merritt]

Welp, the people are right.
At least, a few of them.
It DOES call out to be read aloud.
It DOES have form.
It has been phoneticaly finished to a beautiful sounding (and fun to say) deluge of words.
I have favorite lines, three of them, but the whole thing is great and every line is necessary so who cares.
I am glad Ilene has fun writing, which is obvious, because she passes the fun on to us!
YEEAAAA!
-r

[Annelise]

God I loved this. "Sharp metaphors shower down silver bullet stilettos." What a brilliant line, what a brilliant piece. I just love it.

[Eric Lowther]

Wordplay at a new level. Loved it. The rythm becomes quite clear and rather striking when read aloud. This screams for some audio here.

[Samson J. Krupnik]

obviously this has form you idiots. I'm sorry you white people were not blessed with the blessed gift of rhythm. if you were, that wouldn't totally fix things, but it'd be a damned good start. Clearly this s**t right here is a greasy purple lightning neon painted fastball, get it? You were sitting there in the batter's box, scratching your genitalia, when, in your world, the pitch arrives, apparently out of nowhere. Ilene, stop yelling! Ilene, stop yelling! Ilene!

Stop yelling!

Anywhoo. The pitch blew by some of yalls (read:the last two people) but who cares, guys? You were busy looking at purple unicorns and comparing shades of black.

what's wrong with you people.

[T. A. Jones]

This is a very involving piece. But do have to say that it rambles a bit. It would be nice to see it broken up a bit, tho the flow is nice but it's hard to read that flow in this format. just a thought.


Tabz