A/Muse Me/You

could be broken into shorter lines, but I am not doing it

sharp metaphors shower down silver bullet stilettos
click click clicking on polished concrete tablets, wet
alive revived new ways of blood-letting it all go, baby can you hear it?
I can hear rats tat tat on window pains cold forged barbs aimed
at steely-hearted souls and hard-hearted heels who are our muses
courted, vied for like '(my) first draft (is finished, baby) players'
well known for skills honed in fields strewn with fine minds
that just need a poke to explode heart for art's sake

tough oft rough traded woo pitching muses wanted to keep full
acid-tongue tipped styluses, etching more muse infused, scripted venom

we demand all their waking / sleeping sensations to be directed at us
for the hours we need to begin breathing on our own again.
they are a fix, a tool, night school refresher course- not obsessions
we know where they begin and we control their ends- grains of sand
in our heads, sometimes beds hoping for cultured pearls not just stains
mental quickies desiring to inspire should read the caveat lector line before they sign
there are no guarantees of kindness of any kind just a merry go-go around
of peeling back facades, blaring reflections of each other, virtually
all over, the closer the better, pages soaked with money shots don't reveal the players
so they are reusable like stock images to which we all own the rights

muse, amused or abused with no promises of privacy just emotional piracy
high jacked for high times then be set free willingly with no regrets
just on to the next emotional wrecking party

your tableau is waiting

Reviews

[JR]

Ilene, there's a huge difference, I think, between the poem that is born on the page, then refined to be spoken, and the poem that is born on the lips, then written down. This is of the latter category, and is just amazing. Oh, the ANGER, the rage! You have such a great sense of sound, "click click clicking," "rats tat tat," these descriptions hum and pop, they draw the reader in and echo in their heads, working backwards to the ear. So nicely done, and such an art.

As far as the intro lines go, they are very effective, especially with images like, "silver bullet stilettos," and, "current new ways of blood-letting," this all comes through the screen so clearly... and your reader takes notice.

I have nothing to suggest to improve this, Ilene, it comes at the reader fast and hard, and you don't need to be speaking for your voice to translate. It reads well the first time, so much the rant, and gives off more and more depth with each subsequent reading (I read it four times before the review, and will read it, uh, probably forty more times before I'm done). That's the Gift right there, in a nutshell...

[S . Maurer]

I regret that I cannot hear you perform this. Spoken word indeed!

But text alone, this is still great. It's a clusterfuck of imagery that I can only imagine being delivered at the speed of a machine gun.

"all over, the closer the better, pages soaked with money shots don�t reveal the players
so they are reusable like stock images to which we all own the rights"

Heavy duty. If you call this "honing your skills," I'm wearing a bullet-proof vest when you present your final product.

[Nicolas Drago]

I love the wordplay. Nicely done. I think I like this one best. I have only read a few of them but I will read all of your stuff when I get the time. This one inspired me to write something. That doesn't happen often here. Thanks for this one!

[Gary H]

Hey, you play with words like me! Just love the way sounds fit together, especially the spoken word. This is a very nice and enjoyable piece of writing. Excellent.

[David P. Eckert]

I just love this. Good spoken word poetry just moves along so well. I especially like when you play on expected words and phrases, only to shift the tableaus on us. Like "blood-letting it all go" or "caveat lector" or "beds hoping" Just a pleasure to read and to imagine it being spoken at full volume out loud.

David

[Jeff Brown]

Of all the 'spoken word' that I have read on this site, I'd say you're the only one so far who *really* makes use of the poetic devices that really can make spoken word fun. Alliteration, consonance, assonance and internal rhyme.

"cold forged barbs aimed
at steely-hearted souls and hard-hearted heels"

"acid-tongue tipped styluses, etching more muse infused, scripted venom "

I really like those lines.

I'm generally a fan of any 'summon the muse' poems, as it is not done enough anymore.

[Skylight Inquisition]

"well known for skills honed in fields strewn with fine minds that just need a poke to explode heart for art�s sake" ...that's my favorite line. your spoken word is amazing. you have a way of rhyming words and flowing them perfectly. it's an easy read...and it's got good rhythm. thanks for sharing this one. i have no doubt that you'd be amazing at writing lyrics :)

[Johnny]

very cool!

..but there must be guarded emoting of yours, theirs, mine... that no one shall steal from your steel of iron-forged nucleus. for how could they?

you are the originator of your own private stock...besides, whatever became of the wet-sponged fragile audience in this age of numbed and calloused numbers?
what questions ....
shall people like us go and scream our whisperings into those large auditoriums of mannequins that stare like the picture_ stills of expression?
why not... ?
writers like us will have more feed back from the un-clapping mannequins

at least they wont answer cell phones in our mid-flight gesture, yes?

for the cell-phones will not ring and disturb true Artists like us in there because... cell-phones and reproachful coughing wont be real.... therefore , all of can remain true in our vocal reelings in the constant real ...we are deeper than politicians, also.

see... i feel as though i am right about this.

take care,

johnny come lately

[Robin Mcdowell]

Amazing. I love it. ^_^ (This is going in my favs).

[JP thinks the WC is apt..]

Somebody said this rambles....I disagree. I think the urgency of this piece is what makes it. Rage on, indeed. Great piece.

[Dave]

pages soaked with money shots don�t reveal the players

Great line! Lots of them packed into this and these words so do combine any online writing site experience.

I know this is the best rant I've ever read, but thats just the type of cool beans writing I expect from you.

Thanks for sharing!!!