A/Muse Me/You

could be broken into shorter lines, but I am not doing it

sharp metaphors shower down silver bullet stilettos
click click clicking on polished concrete tablets, wet
alive revived new ways of blood-letting it all go, baby can you hear it?
I can hear rats tat tat on window pains cold forged barbs aimed
at steely-hearted souls and hard-hearted heels who are our muses
courted, vied for like '(my) first draft (is finished, baby) players'
well known for skills honed in fields strewn with fine minds
that just need a poke to explode heart for art's sake

tough oft rough traded woo pitching muses wanted to keep full
acid-tongue tipped styluses, etching more muse infused, scripted venom

we demand all their waking / sleeping sensations to be directed at us
for the hours we need to begin breathing on our own again.
they are a fix, a tool, night school refresher course- not obsessions
we know where they begin and we control their ends- grains of sand
in our heads, sometimes beds hoping for cultured pearls not just stains
mental quickies desiring to inspire should read the caveat lector line before they sign
there are no guarantees of kindness of any kind just a merry go-go around
of peeling back facades, blaring reflections of each other, virtually
all over, the closer the better, pages soaked with money shots don't reveal the players
so they are reusable like stock images to which we all own the rights

muse, amused or abused with no promises of privacy just emotional piracy
high jacked for high times then be set free willingly with no regrets
just on to the next emotional wrecking party

your tableau is waiting

Reviews

[JR]

Ilene, there's a huge difference, I think, between the poem that is born on the page, then refined to be spoken, and the poem that is born on the lips, then written down. This is of the latter category, and is just amazing. Oh, the ANGER, the rage! You have such a great sense of sound, "click click clicking," "rats tat tat," these descriptions hum and pop, they draw the reader in and echo in their heads, working backwards to the ear. So nicely done, and such an art.

As far as the intro lines go, they are very effective, especially with images like, "silver bullet stilettos," and, "current new ways of blood-letting," this all comes through the screen so clearly... and your reader takes notice.

I have nothing to suggest to improve this, Ilene, it comes at the reader fast and hard, and you don't need to be speaking for your voice to translate. It reads well the first time, so much the rant, and gives off more and more depth with each subsequent reading (I read it four times before the review, and will read it, uh, probably forty more times before I'm done). That's the Gift right there, in a nutshell...

[Six Impossible Things]

First of all- Great effing title.
Even though you�re taking this from the stage, and putting it on the page, we still hear the sounds the clicks and the taps and the ssss�s. I can hear it, baby. I can hear it.

There�s the surface of this, which is fun. But you don�t leave us longing for that depth. It�s there.
�for the hours we need to begin breathing on our own again.
they are a fix, a tool, night school refresher course- not obsessions�
I feel that.

I hope you don�t mind that I paced around my bedroom with my laptop and read this out loud. Damn it�s fun to rage when the words just ting and ping and tumble in your mouth. The rhythm is all there- its fantastic. But by the end of it I sounded like this man I met on Fordham road last year who was trying to sell me a cell phone (maybe I need some practice on the whole spoken word thing.)

This is one of my favorites of yours. Please perform this for me.

[Crystal Elisa]

I LOVE IT! that's last line had me smilling... "your tableau is waiting" BRILLIANT!!!

[Cade]

muse, amuse or abuse with no promises of privacy just emotional piracy
high jacked for high times then be set free willingly with no regrets
just on to the next emotional wrecking party

Oh yes, this was really nice. I would have loved to hear it, but this will do.

Well written,
Cade

[Tony Nesca]

aaaaaahhhhhh, very very nice, one of the best i've read on here, ilene ilene, you're beginning to amaze me, beautiful and mind-blowing rhythim and tounge-twisting music...i feel drunk with words, rock and roll beauty, whoa...

see ya,
tony

[Ross Davison]

Ahhh, you've done it! You are comming into your own rythm, your own feel. Evoca this please I want to hear it read aloud, the way you meant it to sound. It is double g ggreat!

[Teresa Gunn]

Bloody brilliant use of onomatopoeia and an unforced rhythm!

[C Lee]

scripted venom. excellent choice mama. can i put that on a bumper sticker? pages soaked with money shots...damn u if you didn't need to get that out and blow us all away (no pun intended)...one of your finest. almost felt refreshing from you, a new direction with the flare we love about you in the toe tapping way, yet elevated with thoughts we have to let sink in. gorgeous.

[Kari [io]]

this is like some sort of amazingly intelligent wonderful tongue twister!! i can tell you spent a TON of time thinking about the words you used here, every single line is perfectly planned and executed. with that, of course, you know that it takes like an hour to read it, but it is worth it!

[Eamon]

Don't ever tell me you're not a writer, never again. You're a spoken-worder, no doubts. You've got your area, defend it then, don't pull it down.

E.