A/Muse Me/You

could be broken into shorter lines, but I am not doing it

sharp metaphors shower down silver bullet stilettos
click click clicking on polished concrete tablets, wet
alive revived new ways of blood-letting it all go, baby can you hear it?
I can hear rats tat tat on window pains cold forged barbs aimed
at steely-hearted souls and hard-hearted heels who are our muses
courted, vied for like '(my) first draft (is finished, baby) players'
well known for skills honed in fields strewn with fine minds
that just need a poke to explode heart for art's sake

tough oft rough traded woo pitching muses wanted to keep full
acid-tongue tipped styluses, etching more muse infused, scripted venom

we demand all their waking / sleeping sensations to be directed at us
for the hours we need to begin breathing on our own again.
they are a fix, a tool, night school refresher course- not obsessions
we know where they begin and we control their ends- grains of sand
in our heads, sometimes beds hoping for cultured pearls not just stains
mental quickies desiring to inspire should read the caveat lector line before they sign
there are no guarantees of kindness of any kind just a merry go-go around
of peeling back facades, blaring reflections of each other, virtually
all over, the closer the better, pages soaked with money shots don't reveal the players
so they are reusable like stock images to which we all own the rights

muse, amused or abused with no promises of privacy just emotional piracy
high jacked for high times then be set free willingly with no regrets
just on to the next emotional wrecking party

your tableau is waiting

Reviews

[JR]

Ilene, there's a huge difference, I think, between the poem that is born on the page, then refined to be spoken, and the poem that is born on the lips, then written down. This is of the latter category, and is just amazing. Oh, the ANGER, the rage! You have such a great sense of sound, "click click clicking," "rats tat tat," these descriptions hum and pop, they draw the reader in and echo in their heads, working backwards to the ear. So nicely done, and such an art.

As far as the intro lines go, they are very effective, especially with images like, "silver bullet stilettos," and, "current new ways of blood-letting," this all comes through the screen so clearly... and your reader takes notice.

I have nothing to suggest to improve this, Ilene, it comes at the reader fast and hard, and you don't need to be speaking for your voice to translate. It reads well the first time, so much the rant, and gives off more and more depth with each subsequent reading (I read it four times before the review, and will read it, uh, probably forty more times before I'm done). That's the Gift right there, in a nutshell...

[Alessander]

I must give a caveat beforehand: of all the poetic types, "Outloud" poems are probably the most out of my expertese. I'm not sure how it functions differently than non-out loud poems; if the sound is supposed to carry the emotional effect rather than coherence and images, then I think you did a good job in creating a chaotic atmosphere with onomatopoeia (good scrabble word) "click click clicking" and all that. You also give a variety of metaphors, one liners, and turn of phrases (merry go round, mental quickies,steely-hearted souls and hard-hearted heels ) which I think are attempting to describe the writing/creative process, but to be honest I feel more confused in the end than having a new insight into the theme, meta-poetics. But like I said before, if you wanted the frantic and unstable feeling to fall upon the reader, than the seemingly stream of thought sounds, images, and play on words did the job.

[C. Lee Rogers]

would the first line read easier broken at down? / should current and new be right next to each other on the same line? / new ways of blodletting it all go- you lost me at it / thrown off at players' / diggin the minds, mines connection / players' and players both end lines, reword for variety? / to which we all own the rights- whose rights we all own? / wow Ilene this thing pops and sizzles like the fourth of July on acid

[Jaime Street]

I hear you reading this...I had to read it out loud myself...Damn...what your speaking with this prose, I hear in between the lines and underneath the layers. the word play made me dizzy at times, exactly like the experience you are descirbing.

"we demand all their waking / sleeping sensations to be directed at us
for the hours we need to begin breathing on our own again.
they are a fix, a tool, night school refresher course- not obsessions"

what's that we say? a muse is a terrible thing to waste?

now PM me and tell why you REALLY wanted me to read this...

When Tiamat speaks we listen.

[Hedra Helix]

Wow woman!! amazing stuff with word twists!
both in back and forth meaning and the way they trip off the tongue and yet remain straight up on both feet. I was transported to a dark alley with rappers snapping fingers, poppin collars...

I have to say I like guaranteed kindness though, not realistic but weve talked about that. I wont give up my nuts.
happy late holidays. Thanks fer sending me this. Its word for word perfect as theyve said below.
:)

-Ivy

[Lyttleton]

Man, I don't know why you need my review... 36 reviews on a poem, damn. Okay, anyway.
I think I could earn 30 points just listing off all the puns/play-on-words, but just some of my favorites:
"new ways of blood-letting it all go"
"fields strewn with fine minds"
"to explode heart for art�s sake"
It's interesting, you do a lot of word trickery in here, but you seem to isolate the different styles. The first stanza is built on some strong play on words, whereas your 2nd stanza (well, 2nd large stanza) is more about building on the last word to jump to the next idea/image, constantly elevating, escalating. I can completely hear you reading this (especially that 2nd stanza), it's full of energy and at times, even desperate determination.

I'm trying to work out "(my) first draft (is finished, baby) players", but it's not totally coming for me. I'm trying to see it as something where the words in parentheses could be lifted out and it would still have a meaning (and then the words in parentheses add a 2nd meaning), but I don't know what 'first draft players' would mean on its own. I could be missing something obvious. Or perhaps that's not the purpose of the parenthetical phrases... I tend to read poems like mathematical constructs, which I realize isn't always the best way to read poetry.

"sharp metaphors", your love of 'sharp words' coming through.

(I want to hear you read this mainly because I want to hear how the hell you read "tough oft rough traded" without completely tripping up... tongue twisters galore in this mother).

This is definitely an experiential poem, and you are an experiential writer. I know before the conference I never would have a) caught the rhythm of this piece and b) known what you were saying with it, but now I completely feel what you're doing with this.

What will the tableau look like for all of us, individually... I'm hoping mine's an orgy.

[Roberto Luciano]

I love it. It's random, it's crazy but it's the process. I almost felt like I could hear you recite this as I read it. You might want to read it at a certain upcoming gathering in a certain place *wink* *wink*

[G.f. Snell Iii]

This is the best poem of your's that I've read. The language is leaping, crawling, spitting off the page. Well done!

But again -- you have a poetic rant more than a prose poem. And that's okay -- because I can hear it. I sense the tone, feel the rage and the passion. I'd love to hear you perform it.

You put all your skills with language on the line here and the result is pure originality. I loved the way you attack the senses -- sound, sight, feel. The ending leaves you thinking and that's what great poetry does.

[M J Moore]

This one not only flows, it pours and radiates. You want to read it slow, you want to rush through it just pouring down like rain.

Going in favs, because this one is just awesome!

[Mont Chadsen]

scripted venom, oh man thats good, i liked all the word plays, i could just imagine them spoken

[Aaron]

Man...

I'm glad everyone enjoyed this as much as I did... so!

To avoid a remake, copy, redo, and even a repetition. I'll just say! This piece is nothing shy of fantastical! Good stuff.

-Aaron.