A/Muse Me/You

could be broken into shorter lines, but I am not doing it

sharp metaphors shower down silver bullet stilettos
click click clicking on polished concrete tablets, wet
alive revived new ways of blood-letting it all go, baby can you hear it?
I can hear rats tat tat on window pains cold forged barbs aimed
at steely-hearted souls and hard-hearted heels who are our muses
courted, vied for like '(my) first draft (is finished, baby) players'
well known for skills honed in fields strewn with fine minds
that just need a poke to explode heart for art's sake

tough oft rough traded woo pitching muses wanted to keep full
acid-tongue tipped styluses, etching more muse infused, scripted venom

we demand all their waking / sleeping sensations to be directed at us
for the hours we need to begin breathing on our own again.
they are a fix, a tool, night school refresher course- not obsessions
we know where they begin and we control their ends- grains of sand
in our heads, sometimes beds hoping for cultured pearls not just stains
mental quickies desiring to inspire should read the caveat lector line before they sign
there are no guarantees of kindness of any kind just a merry go-go around
of peeling back facades, blaring reflections of each other, virtually
all over, the closer the better, pages soaked with money shots don't reveal the players
so they are reusable like stock images to which we all own the rights

muse, amused or abused with no promises of privacy just emotional piracy
high jacked for high times then be set free willingly with no regrets
just on to the next emotional wrecking party

your tableau is waiting

Reviews

[JR]

Ilene, there's a huge difference, I think, between the poem that is born on the page, then refined to be spoken, and the poem that is born on the lips, then written down. This is of the latter category, and is just amazing. Oh, the ANGER, the rage! You have such a great sense of sound, "click click clicking," "rats tat tat," these descriptions hum and pop, they draw the reader in and echo in their heads, working backwards to the ear. So nicely done, and such an art.

As far as the intro lines go, they are very effective, especially with images like, "silver bullet stilettos," and, "current new ways of blood-letting," this all comes through the screen so clearly... and your reader takes notice.

I have nothing to suggest to improve this, Ilene, it comes at the reader fast and hard, and you don't need to be speaking for your voice to translate. It reads well the first time, so much the rant, and gives off more and more depth with each subsequent reading (I read it four times before the review, and will read it, uh, probably forty more times before I'm done). That's the Gift right there, in a nutshell...

[Leah Simone]

This is a strong voice, Ilene. I like the way you are evolving and as much as I enjoy most everything you write there is an intellectual sophistication to this particular piece that sets it apart from your other work. This is masterful and I adore it! - Leah

[Katrina Mckeown]

Astounding !! Amazing!! Fantastic!!

[blurb blurb]

there is a singer I've been enjoying, name of Mason Jennings, give him a listen... I guess in the end, I'm tired of crying over spilled milk, tired of the sun coming up and starting it all again, tired of all the frowns and smiles and everything else, tired of being tired, but he has a great line in one of his songs goes a bit like this "...the world keeps changing, won't you change with me" it's sadly wonderful and can never quite be like that but it's worth it to find those words meeting and in the end it's why I love Lennon so much because he was able to see the way words made love like madness and it wasn't so hard to imagine.

maybe if we came to be long enough, maybe then, we could find ourselves in each our moment.

[Steven]

great word play. i think you cracked a bone with that heel.

[Kasia A. Tilander]

I've read this piece several times now, have come and left it like a well worn sweater that I enjoy more upon each return.
What can I say that hasn't been said already? What can I possibly add that would tell you how superb this piece really is?

Just know that your words moved me, touched me on a very deep, personal level... and for that I will be forever grateful.
You are a masterful artist Ilene, one who wields words like a double edged sword, slicing away untruth and leaving in it's place the gleam of honesty.

[Becci Noblit Goodall]

It's good to read some spoken word stuff since that's my new obsession. Rhyming and rythm without sounding cheesy is difficult to manage but you've done it nicely here. I had to read this through twice becuase you've packed so much into each line it's almost overwhelming. I think it might work even better if you found a way to break the lines up in places. I know that shorter lines are easier to follow if you're doing a reading or trying to memorize. The other thing that might make it easer to read and speak is to work in more alliteration in some of the more complicated lines.

There were two lines that I thought you could make better. The first repeats heart but it doesn't need repeating for rythms sake or for description. The second heart could be replaced with something that might make it more effective. IE at steely hearted souls and spike driven heels. (just an example-not trying to say this is better.) Spikes evoke a whole different image that relates to hearts but opens up other ideas to the reader.

there are no guarantees of kindness of any kind just a merry go-go around (again a repetition you don't need for rythm that makes this line wordy)

Here's an example of what I'm talking about in easily breaking shortening lines with an added idea:

they are a fix, a tool a night school refresher course
obsession 101 (here you can stop for a breath and the reader can better absorb/hear your ideas)

i loved this idea:

all over, the closer the better, pages soaked with money shots don�t reveal the players
so they are reusable like stock images to which we all own the rights

Privacy and piracy also a lovely idea!

Thanks for the good read.

[Lola Nation]

I shy from reviewing you, I walk into your poetry and spoken word like a kid who's only known walmart and just got loose on rodeo drive... how can I critique "the spoken word"? Well, let's see...just kidding.

I am as always loving your lines but this one stood out "they are a fix, a tool, night school refresher course- not obsessions " The nightschool refresher course - ouch!

"pages soaked with money shots don�t reveal the players" oooh more ouch.

well, we know damn well I subscribe to this belief: privacy just emotional piracy

i mean, really, if everyone we wrote about could read - wouldn't you smack a hand for exposing them too, lucky for us pirates, we usually date down (makes the step stool look like a pedal) ...and then when we date up - we're told to hush for being too personal... Ilene Ilene Ilene...

F**k you're good - I added you to my heros on myspace "on to the next emotional wrecking party "

regular ole freaker's ball on this site sometimes (yes, I referenced dr hook again)

xo

[Maria G.]

Wow breathtaking all of it, if only i could write like this am f****n envious girl.
I dunno what else to say except you captured all of it brilliantly.
"I can hear rats tat tat on window pains cold forged barbs aimed" I loved this line for the visual and sound it gives and yes i think this has to be put on evoca, would love to hear it..

[V]

stop f*****g around and evoca this s**t..


dont make me come there and spank you...

[Cdnsurfer]

This is inspirational. I feel the uplift of the words as you pound them out with the beat of the heart, the lungs bursting to exhale each syllable. I runs true and honest, flowing with the sounds rough and snaking round to snap at you again and again. It feels like the dance of words, deep in foreplay, to arouse the senses and explode with hot breath upon the face and skin. Wow. I can hear it. I can hear everything but the short breaths between each roll of words. Quite frankly, I would love to hear this read out to an audience over the din of coffee mugs falling to the table. I tells me to get the words down, say it, manifest it, it's in us all -- it just needs to be spat out. Loved it.