A/Muse Me/You

could be broken into shorter lines, but I am not doing it

sharp metaphors shower down silver bullet stilettos
click click clicking on polished concrete tablets, wet
alive revived new ways of blood-letting it all go, baby can you hear it?
I can hear rats tat tat on window pains cold forged barbs aimed
at steely-hearted souls and hard-hearted heels who are our muses
courted, vied for like '(my) first draft (is finished, baby) players'
well known for skills honed in fields strewn with fine minds
that just need a poke to explode heart for art's sake

tough oft rough traded woo pitching muses wanted to keep full
acid-tongue tipped styluses, etching more muse infused, scripted venom

we demand all their waking / sleeping sensations to be directed at us
for the hours we need to begin breathing on our own again.
they are a fix, a tool, night school refresher course- not obsessions
we know where they begin and we control their ends- grains of sand
in our heads, sometimes beds hoping for cultured pearls not just stains
mental quickies desiring to inspire should read the caveat lector line before they sign
there are no guarantees of kindness of any kind just a merry go-go around
of peeling back facades, blaring reflections of each other, virtually
all over, the closer the better, pages soaked with money shots don't reveal the players
so they are reusable like stock images to which we all own the rights

muse, amused or abused with no promises of privacy just emotional piracy
high jacked for high times then be set free willingly with no regrets
just on to the next emotional wrecking party

your tableau is waiting

Reviews

[JR]

Ilene, there's a huge difference, I think, between the poem that is born on the page, then refined to be spoken, and the poem that is born on the lips, then written down. This is of the latter category, and is just amazing. Oh, the ANGER, the rage! You have such a great sense of sound, "click click clicking," "rats tat tat," these descriptions hum and pop, they draw the reader in and echo in their heads, working backwards to the ear. So nicely done, and such an art.

As far as the intro lines go, they are very effective, especially with images like, "silver bullet stilettos," and, "current new ways of blood-letting," this all comes through the screen so clearly... and your reader takes notice.

I have nothing to suggest to improve this, Ilene, it comes at the reader fast and hard, and you don't need to be speaking for your voice to translate. It reads well the first time, so much the rant, and gives off more and more depth with each subsequent reading (I read it four times before the review, and will read it, uh, probably forty more times before I'm done). That's the Gift right there, in a nutshell...

[Mary Maston]

What an unusual piece! I loved it! Yes! this is what it is for every last one of us! "they are a fix, a tool..." that whole stanza! It just made me want to shout, Yes! That's IT! It's perfect, that's really all there is to say about it. You nailed it right on and I love it! Thanks!

[78%H2O]

This is really great. I read through it several times, cuz it's just got the awesomeness. You pretty much made sound your ever-loving b***h. The way you interlaced word meanings and sounds, it just makes it so beautiful. Really, I know that such words are completely unhelpful, but it bears saying. This kicks a*s.

[[im]practically Me]

i actually got kicked out of creative writing in my last year of high school coz i sucked but in the 2 and a half weeks i managed to stay in that class the teacher inspired me by the way she read poetry... out loud.
and now everything i ever read has to be read outloud and this... this piece you have here is stunning... its as sexy as a jazz tune.. the way it beat beat beats and rolls around my mouth but not smoothly like a marble... kinda jaggedy like... something jagged LOL
ok so i screwed that up but i hope you can see where im going...
you use sound as your slave here along with a wonderful vocab and amazing imagery... i mean seriously... i dont think ive read anything like this in quite a while.

[Moonlight]

I feel like I just stepped into the vortex of a word storm!

This was great! (I would have loved to hear a 'voice' of it)

Moonlight.

[Kevin Connolly]

You make writing seem like making love. We make love to our pen and paper, and try not to get too many stains on the A4 sheets. This is one of your greatest poems to date, Ilene. Brilliant stuff.

[Ken R]

Okay, so I finally had a chance to read this wonderful work

"I can hear rats tat tat on window pains cold forged barbs aimed
at steely-hearted souls and hard-hearted heels who are our muses"

wonderful..your use of words here, especially your inclusion of rats.

"all over, the closer the better, pages soaked with money shots don�t reveal the players
so they are reusable like stock images to which we all own the rights"

"stock images to which we own all the writes"..okay, any poetic use of the term stock images would is appericates, but you're in a different dimension with this..

[Christian Jensen]

yeap this is definately a poem made to be spoken out. I was hoping it had some sort of audio with it but I can't seem to find it. I really enjoyed the paly with sound in the lines , yes I can hear it.

It's hard to put a critical eye on something like this, which feels so raw and sounds so good in its rawness. I like the notion of mental quickies, which for me made me think of those moments at 2 am ranting in prose between friends i na drunken stupour or rants scribbled down 30 minutes before someone hands you the mic..

good flow and a strong voice in this, thanks

[Kevin Mark]

"Acid-tongue tipped styluses, etching more muse infused, scripted venom" is an eloquent onslaught. I endear this piece for the reason that it leaves me pondering over this tantalizing slice.

[Jesse Lynn]

you could incite a riot of words with this one, lady. I wish you'd evoca, then I could hear how you speak your work. It's always so determined, so precise. I want to hear it!

[Cursorblock]

I love all the little plays on word meaning combinations in this. Very cleverly crafted and full of great imagery.