Side A

2 versions 1 visual

hard time
        frames
        each soft emotion
                                 
I don't sugar coat
               hoarfrost    
           I deep freeze 
                     up/tight
 
un-sweet heart shoots coarse
                            blank/et statements
                            aimed to please
                            like minded spit ball pitchers                  
 
onlookers sweat Caveat Lector
demolition shapes the prose
 
life/death scenes set to words 
                              march out line by line
              by snap lines
              set to dead level
              a spiked strewn past    
 
smart remarks sibilantly  hiss
better pissed off than on endings
come easy like [         ]
                     metaphor
 
My center piece is set to rock steady
no skipped heart-beats recorded
I should have left the equalizer alone
 
side B flips me
    over
 
   inside
     out…… 



posted versionSide A
A Story by Ilene M.w. Lush



hard time frames each soft emotion
I don't sugar coat hoarfrost I deep freeze
up/tight un-sweet heart shoots coarse
blanket statements aimed to please
like minded spit ball pitchers

onlookers sweat Caveat Lector
demolition shapes the prose

life/death scenes set to words
march out line by line by snap lines
set to dead level a spiked strewn past
smart remarks sibilantly hiss
better pissed off than on endings
come easy like [ too easy fill in the blank ]
metaphor

My center piece is set to rock steady
no skipped heart-beats recorded

I should have left the equalizer alone
side B flips me
over

inside out……

Reviews

[Narnie]

The first has real breath and you can hear it so distinctly with the author's voice. The second reads in my own voice, which isn't quite so convincing to me. I reckon I'm kinda high pitched. :)

[lmk]

You write passionately, I appreciate that. I resonate with the split here. Really nice work
x

[Brian D. Billie]

i thoroughly enjoyed reading that, especially the visual version. second stanza probably my favorite, because that's how i feel when i write. also really liked the first stanza.

sometimes you gotta play the game though...

[Gandré]

Hi Ilene, it has been a long time. I was reading this poem several times. I thought you reflect this more and more fragmented society, meaning is spots in someone's mind. I liked the intelligence here
"I don't sugar coat
hoarfrost
I deep freeze
up/tight " -----delicious

and here

"un-sweet heart shoots coarse
blank/et statements
aimed to please " ----------ha ha ha brilliant.

"life/death scenes set to words " -----------------that's what it is when we are trying to find out of a mess we sit in....engrossing isn't it? where did you go? miss u.