Perfectly Lit

alone and in times that held nothing
I wrote of you before you
in manifesto style volumes
bound in cache at no loss for words

last night I dreamt of us in Frank Miller grays
color tinted with pheromones
and amber gold Glenfiddich
while under argento and platinum skies
we strolled decaying urban landscapes
with ramshackle shaped skylines
by a riverside on weathered docks
awash in surreal metallic tones
painting my visions ala Yves Tanguy
with grand hopeful delusions
made real by laying down
bemused perditions endlessly

Came today I had promise
as the sky perfectly lit
showed galaxies full of endless possiblities
yet here I sit
again alone in my perfect world
and all I want is to see is your breath
making castles in the air

Reviews

[Gandré]

Ilene, this is really inspirational! I had many many messages, still have and now came down to this. Never think, I ignore you please. The metaphoric structure is not every-day one, I like this flow it is positive breating, apres-love making thought, vivid range of worlds what "could be", it is unvelievable soothing athmosphere, usually you have powerful poems even when writing about feelings they have too much power to consider them soothing - usually they want mobilize but this one is different. Very nice change, dear Ilene, you can just write, how ever you like to, an extraordinary poetess you are. I feel here, you offer a passionate resistance to "him" it reads like you want to dwelf on this moment from yesterday and wait what is going to happen tomorrow, and if the castles what he painted - stand stable enough to fall in love. wow. Clear intelligence and "mystical talent" with unquenchable awareness - that's what you are for me.

[Dith]

lovely abstract

[Varun Mathur]

if you are inclined to changes, that is...

[Varun Mathur]

nice pome.

could do with some line-break suggests... if you are inclined.


how are you?

[Michael Lopez]

dude you got to B shittin me that guy doesn't know who frank miller is

My favorite part is probably this:

"as the sky perfectly lit
showed galaxies full
yet here I sit
again alone in my perfect world"

[The Guerrilla Warhol]

ah ha.
i see you still rule.

ps- how've you been?

[Callisto]

this is so amazing illene! i had to read it three times because i was holding my breath through the first two. this is going in my favorites. i felt so much when i read this. you create such a vivid world from your writing. this is MAGICAL. love this, love you.

[78%H2O]

Holy crap! This one's gold, and I'm not just kissing a*s. Though I would, after reading this. The metaphors are all so powerful. Your words are perfectly placed, razor-edged tempered in the passionate fires of hell.

It begins with a big bang

'alone and in times that held nothing
I wrote of you before you
in manifesto style volumes
bound in cache at no loss for words'

One stanza//four lines in and it's already amazing! This poem was like one of those unexpectedly long orgasms that just keeps on coming.

'last night I dreamt of us
in Frank Miller Sin City grays
color tinted with pheromones'

Yes!!!!! Such great freaking lines!! I didn't even have to look back up to quote them, they were that memorable. (except to remember how to spell pheromones, mind you)

And it ends well too!

'and all I want to see is your breath
making castles in the air'

....breathless. Oh yeah, plus the vocabulary throughout was quite commendable.

[Gary H]

I can only agree with Angelheaded Hipster in her review. I'm a little bit surprised that you regard this as 'throwing words around'. Having said that, this is what this site is for - experiments and trying things out, seeing how people react.
Kind of fascinated about the sky mentioned so many times and the colour grey being prominent. I'm wondering if this was a reflection of a mood rather than a deliberate look to the heavens?

[C Lee]

#1, you know some of these words are way over my head. but you know me. when i read this i didn't see the black curls, the black cloak. i saw a beautiful angel sitting on the cliff of life wondering what to make of it. i love this. i love that it makes me read it over and over b/c is not the norm and stretches my mind and vocabulary, and makes me think under that black cloak is a pink rose. (okay, maybe not, but still). it's simply....patient and delicious.

[Blackbirdsong]

This stanza is just beyond gorgeous

"last night I dreamt of us
in Frank Miller Sin City grays
color tinted with pheromones
and amber gold Glenfiddich
while under argento and platinum skies
we strolled decaying urban landscapes
with ramshackle shaped skylines
by a riverside on weathered docks
awash in surreal metallic tones
painting my visions ala Yves Tanguy
with grand hopeful delusions
made real by laying down
bemused perditions"

The imagery is so evocative that I really felt like I experienced this poem both inside and out. It's like a journey and you're taking us by the hand and leading us along through art, color, graphic novels, love and life itself.