To Her

"To Her" reflects on one's past relationship and how much hurt it caused him, but how it gave him valued peace later in life. Highly relatable to any guy who has been through heartbreak.

To Her

Two years ago, we had a great time.

Two years ago, we were inseparable.

Two years ago, we broke up, but shortly got back together.

Then, two years ago, we were over. Truly over.

I can still hear her laugh, it's still ringing through those old hallways. I can see her smile getting me through my hard days.

She broke up with me though, and after a while, I was broken too. It was in the summer and I didn’t really catch the magnitude of the decision. It was the first summer where I was truly busy, so I didn’t really think about her too much. She was just another girlfriend that became my ex.

But as the season began to wind down in July, I missed what we had but up till now, she didn’t want to talk to me. I vowed to win her back again like I did a couple months earlier where it ended happily by us finally dancing at the dance through cheers that ours paths finally crossed again. I guess you can say I really didn’t know what love was until we were really over. She was my first love. She was my first heartbreak.

Looking back now, I don’t know if she was insecure back then, it would make sense. Many people are when the boyfriend or girlfriend is somewhat popular. But it was enough for us to stop trying after our first meet of the season. After the best six months I have ever had, it ran its course.

Throughout freshman year, I just couldn’t shake her nor the hurt that I was feeling. It’s like God punched me in the chest, wiping me out and making it impossible to rise for the eighth time. As our season rolled around, I was expecting more than what actually took place. She went to a different school across the county and learned the practice of not talking to me or seeing me day in and day out. For me, seeing her was a breath of fresh air. It wasn’t reciprocated as her reaction was like a “….Heeeey.” Throughout the duration of the school year, I learned to do the same thing she did because I was hurting all over again. The pain I subdued four months before crept back into my life. Dudes honestly experience more hurt than girls when we give our entire being and everything, and when our fortress collapses on us, the world is ending. So by the end of freshman year, we were complete strangers again.

However, she gave me light.

January 22, 2015: I still remember the date. When it first occurred. When she ultimately said “yes” to my question after a week of wondering and thinking. Over the course of those six months, she taught me more than I could learn from anyone else. I knew how to treat a significant other right and truly love someone else. She taught me patience and I taught her confidence. Scorpio and Cancers are the strongest relationships the astrologists constantly say.

We were each other’s first kiss, and when we held hands, the care and empathy I had for anyone matched none when it was towards her. No one understood me as much as her; no one had my six like she did. Simply no one was her. My grandma told me something before she passed stating how, “…Pooh, someone is gonna love you. Someone will show you the world, and you’re going to take them for granted at the moment. But you’ll soon figure it out.” It was her obviously. You never realize what you have until it’s gone they say, and they’re right. I didn’t know what I had until life started sending me curveballs and hurdles were now in my path. Freshman year continued to be a hard year and the fact that I had no one to tell me to dodge and run opened my eyes. I didn’t understand it at first. Maybe I didn’t deserve her, maybe I was too much to manage.

Now we talk; we get along and can hold a conversation. I believe she cares for me as I still care for her, but I may never get a definite answer to that question. On the other hand, she gave me a slight lap dance at my birthday party last year, so that’s something to be thankful for (never thought that would happen). Hopefully that was the beginning to a clean slate.

I love her, I always wil. I’ll always care about her. Love has never been so close and so far away at the same time. Your mind and heart having a constant battle of your mind telling you to back off, but the heart then tells you to stay.

This is to my first real relationship. To my first kiss. To my first love. To the first person that truly cared for my being outside of family. To the self-proclaimed most loved and best relationship in school two years ago.

This is to her, this is to you.

Author's Note

Based on personal feelings/experience (August 2017)

Reviews

[DarkArtz 0703]

damn... I cant say I know what it's like cause I don't but I know that if you love someone.. when their gone... you'll never stop thinking about the things you should have done...

neat piece