The Red Painting (Excerpt)

A small little excerpt I put together this morning after a very twisted dream I had. Enjoy ~

Panting, her hands traced the walls. She was surrounded by darkness and the overwhelming stench of blood and iron. A sharp pain rose through her entire body after every step, reminding her of the injury she had recently received to her ankle whilst traversing the seemingly endless labyrinth of corridors. Her hair was battered with sweat, blood and dust; sprawled across her face, sticking to her “makeup-ran” eyelids. The remainder of tears that her eyes could muster attempted to escape, however to no avail, as she struggled to find an exit or some sort of ejection from this twisted horror. 
A smile crept across his relaxed face; his body eerily moving to the sound of the non-existent music playing in his head. His eyes were closed in ecstasy as he could literally taste how close he was to success. In contrast to his victim’s dirty, rag covered body, he was dressed in the most delicate of silks; an outfit meant to accompany a Victorian prince, per says. The crystals of his eyes reflected in the darkness, complimenting his auburn locks. In the midst of his dancing, he stopped, the echo of events bouncing off the dungeon-like stone walls. 
She tripped, a small shriek escaping her lips as she examined her naked ankle. What was simply sprained before was surely broken now after the distance she covered. Grabbing her ankle and closing her eyes, she looked up and prayed. She prayed for a savior to come and release her from this pain; to save her from this series of unfortunate events. In an instant, she heard a humming emanating from the darkness from which she had been. Closer. Closer. Closer. She could practically feel the breath of her pursuer on her neck and she attempted to crawl to the light. Crawling, dragging, struggling; any sense of vernacular was drowned out by her attempt to survive the terror that was at her doorstep. 
He came upon the girl, sporting his signature creepy smile once again. Like a hyena taunting his meal, the man knelt down beside the girl. Her tears finally managed to escape her eyes as she begged for mercy. The man lifted the girl’s chin with the side of his finger, looking deep into her eyes. 
“Do not worry, my love,” he said calmly, “for soon you shall join the angels and live happily amongst the clouds. Accept your fate and let God show you the way.”
The girl’s face began to soften as she looked up to the rot-covered ceiling. However, she did not see a decaying, wet stone wall of pain and confinement, but instead a light, a path to the Heavens above. She saw her chance to escape this madness and delve into a new passion. She saw . . . 
His fangs pierced her neck as the girl let out a terrifying scream, echoing throughout the halls only to eventually be drowned out by the darkness. She felt her life force being drained as she smiled, her eyelids finally closing to accept the light.

(“The Red Painting” by Trent Hyman-Vaughn 5/22/14)

Author's Note

When I put this together I wasn't planning on sharing it, let alone editing it, so consider this a "rough draft" of sorts. I just wanted to see what people thought of it. I'm not terribly experienced in writing, so feel free to make notes/criticism where needed. I'm new to this site, so this will be my first upload. :)

Reviews

[maxie-thena]

This piece gave the 'ta da da...' horror effect. It wasn't as tedious reading like i thought it would be judging from the first paragraph. Infact, it was so vivid i though it was my dream. Pretty cool