Far-sighted heart

a tanka from 'Hanamichi

 

*    *    *

 

The space between us

Beyond the horizon of dream

Is obscured by haze

And yet I can see you, my love

Within my heart's far-sighted gaze

*    *    *

Author's Note

I know this tanka isn't perfect. But do you still count syllables in oriental forms? Do you really believe their lines cannot be rhymed? I used to, yet by now I've quitted. Just open your heart and free your mind and spread your wings! )

Reviews

[symmetryAsymmetry]

I have no knowledge of forms and techniques but I do understand that this flows well enough to read in verse...which is also not of much importance.
What's important is that it coneys feelings perfectly...love transcends distance time life death...it is a separate dimension in itself that is free from every other factors..

Beautifully written :-)

[J.J. NIGHTINGALE]

OK .. If a poet can make eyes fill, with just a few well chosen words .. Then He or She .. is a master, indeed .. ..

I love this one .. Jasmine

[Marie]

Is this TANKA? It's very good. But then the third and fourth lines rhyme...I don't know...

[Divinity Sleeps in This]

The vision of subjectivity was always my first lover, all the apparent 'forms' just seemed inferior.

The more I read of you, the more satisfied I become with the craft.