Episodic

Mar 07, 2016#1

Thin hands white to the bone
drawing pictures on his face,
brush strokes, imprints on her
hands that will not depart. 

They come and go like changing channels
only there is no remote,
he returns at will
dwelling in their pleasures.

He fondles those that serve best,
worn like old leather.
Episodics retain every nuance of meaning,
smell, touch, sound, a picture of her face,
smiling as only Em can do. 

Unlike the hard drive the frontal
and temporal cortices cannot
be wiped, that's why we grieve
and ache with loss,

Reviews

[ieuan ap hywel]

Mar 12, 2016#4
Hi Frank
I like the changes you have made here. It is a wonderfully descriptive piece. from the start. I love St1.
Thin hands white to the bone drawing pictures on his face, brush strokes, imprints on her hands that will not depart.
Unlike the hard drive the frontal and temporal cortices cannot be wiped, that is why we grieve, ache with loss,
I think L3 sounds better with the 'is' added
Thin hands white to the bone drawing pictures on his face, brush strokes, imprints on her hands that will not depart.
I like your change to 'ache with loss' - shows the emotion.

Eira

[ieuan ap hywel]

Mar 09, 2016#2
Just a few observations:

1. "They come ago" is puzzling, as I want to hear "come and go."
2. In that same stanza, it's not clear who is the referent for the plural pronoun.
3. Lines 9-10 don't seem to relate to what has come before.

Wait! Now I see that "he" is the episodic. First few readings I took the episodic to be "Em." Not sure if that says I wasn't reading carefully or if the poem is disorienting in some way.

4. I'd consider dropping the explicit hard drive comparison, as "wiped" suggests it and also is a powerful verb on its own.
5. In the penultimate line I'm assuming that "that" should be "that's" or "that is."
6. I'd consider dropping "sense of loss" as being too telling. Instead, I suggest "that is why we grieve,/that is why we ache."

Hope some of this is helpful.
S Bunch