I think this makes perfect sense. In one aspect, you acknowledge the fact that time winds on endlessly, but it has no connotation to life, other than life becomes "days" and "years", an aspect of time. Moments of time continue endlessly, but soon enough within a certain timescale, our life ends. What have we left? Time in perpetuity after we have gone. A thought provoking Haiku.
I like the juxtaposition between two perspectives of time. How different time must feel for, say, a bug that lives only 24h versus a 200 year old tortoise, let alone something really old, like a star?
As pointed out by Cpt. Ugly already, I'd change the "it" to "they" in the 5th line, but that's all I'd humbly suggest changing.
:)
Beautiful haiku! I agree with the "featured review" below me....it does make you think! life seems to go on forever when you're living, but eventually, it will end. Great write.
I think this makes perfect sense. In one aspect, you acknowledge the fact that time winds on endlessly, but it has no connotation to life, other than life becomes "days" and "years", an aspect of time. Moments of time continue endlessly, but soon enough within a certain timescale, our life ends. What have we left? Time in perpetuity after we have gone. A thought provoking Haiku.
Umm... personally I don't think that this poem was well thought through at all, because you seem to be going in on yourself, not knowing what exactly to say. In the first haiku you said that time would go on forever, but then in the next you wrote that it will all end soon, so yeah, I'm a bit confused here.
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