They Sarificed Care

Prose Poem

When did dispair set in, not bad days and good days, but deep despair and sad frustration? The feeling, dull and deep, as if a cancer, spreading darkness and death upon succulant sheep, who have no passion or love unconditional, except for those long dead and gone who don't even exist, in this reality, only metaphorical wisdom, never to be understood completely. All the while, wailing of what is owed and invoices stacked deep, they share not the abundance, but fight over it, keeping tabs on all their expectations, what they believe is theirs, owning, even their sleep.

 

They are not enlightened at all, and most likely will never be. But, does that render enlightenment an idea, not something real? I suppose it does, for its fruition, even in one single mind, it would seem, can never be, without the supporting of many. For it is judgment, and owing of silly notions, expectations of confusion, cheaply engineered products, greenbacks backed by nothing more than evil intent and borrowing, and sometimes labor, mistakenly pushed to the limit for virtue, that consumes the minds of those who are wailing, while being sprayed and poisoned, that selfishly garner all energy, even of those who know, who stand wondering. Twist it and direct it negatively. The only enlightened few, left to struggle with the madening this produces. In minds, once strong, yet now, seem so fragile. Distracted, yet knowing, cannot sequester the positivity, for it is lacking. Quarantined into small, dimly lit spaces, yes, it is undoubtedly hard to find, amongst cruel, cold minds and so-called modern thinking.

 

So life is at this time, but a time for mindless production, not dreaming or enlightened ideals, for dreaming is only to find, your dreams are not worthy, your idealized spunk replaced with worry at every turn, and steady focus demands you are proving something you don't even understand... is it something about glory? Then, isolation, the only refuge, provides some relief, some protection, even after seriously, truthfully, screaming loudly "I"M SO F*****G LONELY!", all the while desperate for human interaction, and those you expect might care...they stare blindly. However, the madening comes, as the futility of explaining sets in, even still, sheep like herd, repel even more, if that is even possible. Not having a clue, what is it they fear? What is it that they repel from, but truth clouded by faulty expectations?

 

It is only a matter of time, that more judging and rejection find their way into your mind and so what, what will keep you alive and further, keep you from insanity? Only further reducing the space and time you attempt to affect, protecting your sawed off section of golden redemption, all while realizing expectations are faulty, always faulty, and steal, yes steal, all of the light. Both of you and of others. Changing those distorted expectations never will be easy. So purposful grooming of what little time and space you can sequester, garnering as much positive energy as you can muster. Difficult, because this requires from the starting point, positivity and unfortunately, there is so much need for conformity to fear mongering, and for money, for the heeding of so-called, intelligent calculations of who rightfully owns plenty. So being positive, despite the constance of growing negativity becomes your only purpose, all the while you are no more than a paycheck and must garner much in the form of monetary assets. All while the ridiculing increases. And every day, just like the one before...it is torture.

 

This perception only proves...I am far from the only purpose I can contrive out of it all....enlightment. More specifically; positive motion, the joy of unconditional love and understanding, the acceptance of others, planning for so called good and not evil. Ideas, are all anything ever spawned from. And so I am but an eager student, a lowly kindergartener, often failing as miserably as those who stand tall around me, with their misconceived notions of how things should be. I have only myself, to speak to at this point, and without like minds from which to gain knowledge, I can only do so much. I will die lonely and frustrated with my own set of faulty expectations. UNLESS, I can muster up the strength I once had, gaining momentum from nothing more than my silly ideas, and of course find others of the same mind set, to avoid isolation, insanity, to gain more knowledge.

 

Will I ever be perfectly enlighted? For I have far too many human miscalculations, distractions, weaknesses, and bad habits. I will be required to reprogram my own mind, which has become so much like the others, angry, judgmental, and self-centered. OH how far I have drifted from my own ideas, because of judgment and negativity. Will I ever regain the ground I have lost? The future is not bright now, but I seriously doubt it ever has been or will be....in the minds of mere humans. I am merely human as well, not so different, and this, well...it worries me. But even though I have spent most of my life, not in the know, of the truth that is, at least I am trying. Trying to find out the truth behind all our cloaks of misunderstanding. Of everything that is, that was, and that will or will not be. Simply speaking, our purpose, the truth, not just what we've created. Care has been sacrificed, not just by Satan worshipping elitist, but my friends, by us all, as evidenced by the very real world, no matter how small in comparison to the universe, that we fail to truly live in.