The Sins of The Father

chapter 3

      Eventually Sydney stopped screaming and all the other voices fell into silence with her. She wondered if the screaming she had been her own amplified. The first thing she did was to bring her hands to her face to see if she was corporeal or, god forbid,  something else. Relieved she could feel the coolness of her skin and the warmth of her breath.  She slid down what felt like a wall and fell with a thud on her rear. Her spatial senses seemed all wrong here. What the hell was this place? Her seating felt solid enough and so she finally let out all the air in her lungs like a deflated balloon. Only then did she wonder if there was air here for her to take another breath. She hesitated for only a few seconds and took her next breath in tentatively. She didn't start to choke or cough so she figured it was OK to continue breathing while she could. Only then did she wonder if she had gone blind or if she was somewhere where light could not penetrate. She wasn't sure if she heard the thud of her descent or had only felt it. Once she got her breathing under control she would have to test her other senses. But she was in no rush so instead she sat like she was made of stone.
      Her first impulse was to call out and to see if anyone was there but that didn't seem prudent considering she was trapped in some ancient box. Who knew what else was trapped along with her. The box could hold a menagerie of evil, but on the other hand, they might be innocents like Sydney. She could see Hoffman preying on the unsuspecting. She had so many questions but she knew that she would have to proceed carefully if she was ever to get back home, wherever that might be.
      Sydney stretched her arms but could not feel any walls or doors. That meant she would eventually have to get up and feel her way around. The good news was that she could hear her charm bracelet jingle as she felt around all that nothingness. She tried to think about the last few months with her father. He was distant and yet he seemed excited about something. She had found him more times than she was comfortable with locked in his office with Hoffman, and occasionally a small dark man with haunted eyes would be there with them. They never introduced him and on some primal level she knew that she should never ask.
      There were other times she would listen before she knocked and she could hear conversations, not that wasn't right, more like incantations in an old dialect of French and other times the language sounded more ancient and totally foreign to any she had ever heard. On those evenings she would quietly let herself out but she knew at some point she would work up the courage to find out what had been going on.
      At this point she realized that she had been tricked by Hoffman, the German, perhaps the devil himself. How stupid not to meet him in a public place. Her father's office had given him the privacy to trap her here, wherever this was. Her mind worked through her own knowledge of heaven, hell, limbo, purgatory, Dante's Inferno or some other plane. She knew she wasn't going to get any answers just sitting here so she stood up gingerly and brushed off her dress out of habit. It wasn't like she could see if there was anything on it but nothing felt right so after she finished with the dress she also ran her fingers through her hair.

      Finally she found her voice and whispered, "Is anybody there?"

      She realized no one was going to hear and so she yelled in typical Sydney fashion, "Hey, is anyone here? What is this place? Why am I here? Can you help me?"

      Sydney waited an eternity, and for a moment inwardly laughed at such a thought, perhaps there was no time in this place. Maybe all the time was contained in this one little box. Hopefully time wasn't going to run out before Sydney could figure out how on earth she was ever going to get home.

      Then Sydney could have sworn that she heard something to her left, then her right. Without warning she could feel someone standing in front of her.

      "Hello, who are you? What do you want? Can you help me?" She whispered.

      A young laugh met her queries. It wasn't a cruel laugh but more of an amused one as if Sydney had said something quite clever over a martini between friends.

      "Oh my dear," the voice said, "Such a delightful string of questions, you quite remind me of your dear mother, God rest her soul. You are here under no fault of your own but due to the sins of your father."

     It was in that moment that Sydney's legs gave out from under her and she found herself back on the floor legs and arms splayed like a rag doll. What sins had been heinous enough to trap his only daughter in this dark and lonely place?

      "Sins," said Sydney with a bit of incredulity in her voice.

      "Oh my, sins of great gravitas. It will be your job to undo those that can be undone. Your father is not who you think he is and this will be a most difficult and eye-opening journey Sydney. There is nothing left in this world, in this moment, that is not hidden from you. First you must find the key so that you might shine light on the truth. It will be disheartening and disillusioning and for that I am sorry. But, it must be done, and as last of his line it must be done by you and only you. Helmut made a grave mistake sending you here."

The voice faded away and Sydney found herself no longer alone but surrounded by the ghosts of fear, dread and disbelief. She wrapped her arms around herself and began to pray as tears coursed down her cheeks.

Reviews

[Pryde Foltz]

Love the play with temporal … switching back and forth is very effective. On the whole it is quite well-written … just needing some editing down … be very careful you do no tell the reader the same thing twice ….

Who knew what else was trapped along with her. The box could hold a menagerie of evil, that would be her best guess, considered the bearer of the box had been Hoffman.

Choose one or the other sentence.

Also consider removing interjections like 'that would be my guess" the reader already knows it is Sydney's thoughts and the interjections make the writing less immediate.

Also the bit about the incantations is really interesting. Consider exploring it outside of exposition. I think it merits a full scene.

A lot of very interesting places to go from here … I am intrigued.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks so much Pryde. I did take out the that would be my guess and took out the Hoffman reference. I will keep that advice in the back of my mind in the future. I actually like writing the temporal switching it takes the pressure off for some reason.

[Pryde Foltz]

I very much like it too

[therisa]

Interesting twist, with the voice telling Sydney, about the sins of her father. And the mistake, Hoffman has made, by sending her, into the box. Will we get to see, who the voice belongs to? Inquiring minds want to know. :)

[icelandicblue]

I think you will after I figure out exactly who she is myself! This process is so different from writing a poem. It's hijacked my mind. There are so many balls in the air...I hope that I can catch them all! Thanks again Therisa.

[therisa]

I understand, Icelandicblue. Do you write a plot outline, of where you want to take the story, or is it, more whatever flows, from your brain to the fingertips? Myself, I have tried both, with limited success.

And your welcome.

[icelandicblue]

I never plan...whether it be a poem or story if it flows it flows. I'm afraid when I hit a roadblock it's not pretty.

[therisa]

Especially, when the roadblock hijacks the creative process.

[Bright Ocean Star]

I wholeheartedly agree with KLG. This story is gripping and suspense-filled. It literally pulls you in and you don't want to stop reading. It is well crafted and very believable on all levels. Great writing, Ice! I thoroughly enjoyed it.

[icelandicblue]

I appreciate your support Bright Ocean Star. I've never done anything like this before so any encouragement is appreciated.

[Lyn Anderson]

Just had to come back to score and review. Riveting, makes you want to jump straight to the next.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you so very much. There's still a lot to do!