Fog and Bones

A Haiku

The smell of salt swirls
loneliness hangs in the fog
sand white like bleached bones.

Reviews

[Wayne Rockmore]

This is very good. You have a way of being able to say in a few words what it takes other many more to convey. Simple and effective, and preferable to a long-winded litany of nonsense to say something simple. There is something tactile about the environment you paint, where you can smell it and feel it when reading it. I enjoyed this tremendously.

[icelandicblue]

I love writing haikus they were my first poetic loves. I am happy you could feel this one. Thanks so much.

[Samuel Pennell]

This is a beautiful poem that we have all felt before. The mystery of a fog shrouded beach. It reminds me of a song called "Brighton Beach," by Telepopmusik. Hazy and somewhat dismal is the atmosphere. I like how you talk about bones, as if a wale's rib cage may have washed up on the beach. Beautiful little snapshot of a haiku here, Icelandic!

[icelandicblue]

Thank you for such an enthusiastic reply Samuel. It is much appreciated.

[Great Aunt Astri]

Even on foggy days the smell of salt and the sand are there. I feel a lot of hope in this nice haiku. Well done.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks For comment. I appreciate it.

[KeeD]

I take from it an image that reminds me of how encroaching the fog is over something that was so normal a few days ago and how trapped I felt within its confines. Only the smell of the ocean reminds me of the place I once called home. Excellent Haiku

[icelandicblue]

Thank you...and what a beautiful picture you paint.

[Rita L. Sev]

That you are able to engage so many senses and emit such emotion is impressive, Blue! I can see, smell, and feel this one - and am chilled...

[icelandicblue]

Thank you Rita...that really was my intention so you've made my poetic day!

[Stonz P.]

Ma'am,
This is good on so many levels that I could not only see it in my head but also feel it.. And your imagery is so unique. I am learning quite a few things from your works. Thank you so much for sharing.. :)

[icelandicblue]

Thank you once again for your kind review.

[s y e]

I can feel this poem, I can picture the day you paint and the smells, the sights, the 'taste' -- everything. Simply divine.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you. I wrote only haikus for years...It was nice to go back to my poetic roots.

[Marie]

This is the shoreline in winter.You paint a perfect picture of it with words.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you Marie, I appreciate your comment.

[willweb]

I can picture this scene you have created perfectly. I can feel the chilly wind and taste the salt in the air. It feels like an empty beach in wintertime. The skies are grey, the colors are muted unlike their fetive summer showings and it is lonely. I really liked this one.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks so much willweb. I always appreciate your visits.

[Bright Ocean Star]

Ice, I typically stay away from haikus. They frustrate me with their restrictive nature. But I love to puzzle over others' haikus. I just like puzzles. So, this one is a mystery. Salty swirling smells....that and the sand reference indicates a beach...
Loneliness hangs in the fog....a fog rolling in off the ocean or just a lonely walk on a white sandy beach? The last two words throw me off...Bleached bones indicates a cleaned carcass, which is a dirty, distinctly unpleasant job and it kind of turns this romantic sounding haiku on its head...

But, it's possible you didn't mean to go there. You may have been looking for a way to characterize just how white the sand was, and you didn't realize crazy people like me would read so far into the words...
Either way, this was a mysteriously beautiful write. Sorry for being excessively wordy tonight...:)

[icelandicblue]

When I write a haiku I do two things. Visualize the place and feel the mood. Then I go about picking or really playing with words that support that vision and feeling. For this the mood was probably the most overriding motivation. I felt an eeriness hence the swirling salt like ghosts. You can never go wrong with fog because it is a versatile image. Here again I use it to portray desolation. Finally the bleached bones were used to convey color but also to create a disconcerted feeling. Basically I tried to create a beach that has a haunted feeling to it. You felt something different but you were disconcerted by that last line...and that turned a romantic sounding (like mist rolling off the moors) piece into something else but you're not quite sure what that is. My meaning is not the important part in this poem. What's important is what does that last line say about the first two that feel romantic (like a romantic hideaway) to you. I think perhaps for you it might warn of the dangers of love or a romance gone bad but in the end only you can determine what it means. I hope I didn't overstep my bounds on this one. Thanks for feeling so much from so few words.

[Bright Ocean Star]

Thank you, Ice. I deeply appreciate your efforts to translate the mood in this one. You are right. The imagery of the swirling salty smell and the fog were really good, but you chose your words carefully in the final stanza if you wanted to create an unsettling mood that managed to override the romance. Very nice writing. Thank you again.:)