Weather Beaten

Life clouds my vision
all I see is cold drizzle
washing me away.

Reviews

[Brittany Zedalis]

I very much like this. The placement of "away" adds to it.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks so much.

[Ruth]

Love the demise to the very last, small word...cleverly done, enjoyed x

[icelandicblue]

Appreciate that Poppy.

[Diana]

A shorter piece from you. Have you been washed away toward the end? I really enjoyed the effect of the word "away" being smaller than the rest.

[icelandicblue]

thank you- there are times where being washed away sounds very inviting.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

I think we all know this feeling all to well; yet, you have managed to rise above the feeling to write this short and succinct senryu. It is replete with melancholy.

Very nicely written.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you Linda.

[Joyce S. Greene]

Very nice job with this short form, Anne. I like the way you have made the "away" a bit smaller than the other words to emphasize your meaning. You are a very talented poet!

[icelandicblue]

Thanks Joyce and you are too kind!

[David Scott]

Open your heart where clouds are parted at your command.
Paint the vision behind the lids embrace of your vision and see what you desire.
Hold this vision in the protection of your soul until it becomes your reality.

You have exposed this gloom and it no longer holds power over you. You are the light overcoming the darkness. You are the warmth on a dreary day.

Sending you only love and light.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you David for that beautiful message.

[PoetryPenPal]

I really like the first line, "Life clouds my vision." It is a great line. Though this is a short poem, it has so many meanings and so much emotion behindd it. It is a very good poem.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you PoetryPenPal, this is a type of poetry called a Senryu it is the cousin to the Japanese Haiku.

[PoetryPenPal]

Oh, cool! Your welcome!

[J. Alfred Prufrock]

the title drew me in and i am glad. ejoyed this. a small vessel, but full. just the way i like them.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you for reading and the comment.

[Gleb Zavlanov]

Short, simple, yet terrifyingly cold...:)

[icelandicblue]

Thanks Gleb, just put on another sweater!

[Gleb Zavlanov]

:D. I will.

[Rita L. Sev]

Like winter weather, Life has its seasons of wearing us down. Remember that Spring is never too far away, Blue...

[icelandicblue]

Thanks Rita, I will.