Shards of Splendor In The Gloom

The silver lining slit my wrists
the unicorn impaled me,
slid off the rainbow, broke my neck
now I hang from the old birch tree.

I'd love to smell the flowers
It be grand to laugh so loudly,
but glassed in such misfortune
quiet! or it shatters very soundly.

I want to write of happiness
velvet petals in full bloom,
but lately all I seem to find
are shards of splendor in the gloom.

So should you find a  clover
hold it tight unto your heart,
and maybe, oh just maybe,
it will give you a fresh start.

Author's Note

As good as it's going to get me thinks.

Reviews

[Rita L. Sev]

The rhythm is a bit disjointed, but the images are intriguing here. Has me thinking about the winter blues, and how that can affect a writer's work.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks Rita

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

The first two lines are stellar, and the third stanza is perfect. It fell apart for me with the third and forth lines of the first stanza, and the second stanza seems off. I'm also not sure about the second thru last line of the last stanza. I would definitely rework this. Those first two lines are two gold bars, and they are priceless.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks Linda,

I'll address them at some point. They are better than they were but not as good as they could be. I am tired of looking at them though. Perhaps another day. Thanks for the honest feedback.

[icelandicblue]

The second stanza has been reworked about 10 times so I need some space but I won't give up. Thanks again.

[MsJewel]

I think the thoughts and emotions shared within a poem are much more important than perfect meter. I have struggled with meter myself and find it so difficult unless the poem has a specific syllable count and rhyme.

It would be wonderful to write about happiness and velvet petals all the time, but that isn't reality. Life would be a fairytale...could it be? I wish.
A great poem. I enjoyed reading it very much.

:) Julie

[icelandicblue]

Thanks Julie,
Most of my poetry is pretty dark and sometimes I wish I could muster more light into my palette but things like that can't be forced. I read so many beautiful poems and think wow it must be so nice to feel light and free and able to create such beauty. No fairy tales but a bit of good news, a bit of happiness sure could go a long way these days. I'm afraid rainbows and unicorns just might be the death of me. I'm in the darkness trying valiantly to light my candle. Thank you for your lovely review.

[MsJewel]

My pleasure

[Sheila Kline]

Good job Anne!! And with sage advice. You are right in that improved meter always helps a piece read better. I walk on both side of the street as far as meter. There are pieces when I work to have it correct and it is better in the end, and then are those with a message that is shouting to be told and then meter seems to have run out of dimes and the parking cop makes a stop by my poem......lol
BUSTED!
I really like the title!!

[icelandicblue]

You're so funny Sheila. Thanks for reading and I love your response.

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

I really enjoyed your vision on this piece. Your perspective was fresh and tangible,well done.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks PH- it's just one of those weeks. I appreciate your eye for the changes in style.

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

The amazing title is an eye catcher all itself.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks once again PH. You are good for my ego.

[Jack...]

My suggestion...keep writing.

Anne, this is definietly not the norm for you but I like it. Reading, I was so engulfed by the theme I failed to notice the meter being off a bit. That is a good thing.

[icelandicblue]

I'm writing all over the place these days and frankly I am very hit and miss with meter; I am a most undisciplined poet. I appreciate the feedback as always.

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

I love the way you brought fantasy and reality together. Great job.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks Kaze- some days are just that way.

[Pryde Foltz]

A wry play between fantasy and cold reality. Excellent work.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks so much Pryde. : )

[Frieda P]

Great play on words here, and I should have known you'd expand and go somewhere deep with that silver lining. So many intriguing ideas here. That first stanza could stand alone but then it'd not be as great as this turned out. You gotta watch out for the pesky unicorns for sure. Here's to velvet petals sometime soon.

[icelandicblue]

You never know what will inspire you! couldn't let that one go. Thanks Frieda, velvet petals, bubbling brooks and peace sound lovely but they don't inspire me these days. Thank god for those of you who write of beauty, it brightens my gloom.