Sentinel

Here I lie and watch you sleep
slumber’s solace vast and deep
softened brow and tousled hair
envelops me this love so fair.

Quietude sighs with delight
minuets in candlelight
breathing in your musky scent
these moments are such pure content.

Tonight I’ll be your sentinel
no dissonance shall break this spell
until the morning light does break
in serenity I'll watch you wake.

Reviews

[Elinor Williams]

This is so wonderfully written, so honest and loving...you conveyed your emotion for this person. It almost feels like you should submit this somewhere annonymously, because you can't tell whether this is about a female, male, or written by a female to a male(or vice versa), or female to female or male to male. It's just love at it's purest. You talk about tousled hair, but it's almost like a sub feature to what this person has, and you very honestly say through this that you'd happily watch them sleep, not because they're attractive, but because they are the person they are. And to watch them lovingly as they sleep is one of the most serene things you can do. Loved this poem!

[icelandicblue]

Thank you so very much Elinor. I am truly humbled by your feedback.

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

I love this piece. It truly does speak to a part of me. Being a father and a man who has loved a woman deeply... I've been here. The ever watchful, enjoying their peace as they sleep. A lovely, well-written piece.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you so much.

[icelandicblue]

The comment box loads itself these days. I was going to say it is good to see you and thanks again.

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

It's good to be seen. My pen hand is making a slow march back to paper.

[Abdul Aziz]

I agree with Kenaz below. I can see the meter was chosen by ear. It doesn't always need to flow in a pitch perfect manner. None of the old masters used to do that, either. It might make the poem very sing-songy, which does not suit many poems. Appropriate pauses and breaks are needed to make the poem more palatable. The poem shifts from trochaic to iambic and back, which might explain the break in flow. But ultimately, I think the flow was maintained, except in the last line of the first stanza. The content, though, is something no one can have qualms with. I love the diction of the poem. It is refined, and yet not really verbose. Your scene-conjuring ability is something to behold. Some of the phrases you used are really pleasing, such as "softened brow and tousled hair", "minuets in candlelight", "Tonight I'll be your sentinel". Thank you for another superb poem.

[icelandicblue]

My problem is I count nothing...I feel the meter but it doesn't always work. Thank you for the review and the feedback. ; )

[Kenaz]

It is well written, but I figured I would write a real review. You broke the flow after the third line which frustrates me to no end because I do it all the time. Some times you just cannot find a word that says what you want but also fits the flow of the poem. Your meter also switches throughout the poem. I do not know if you intended to have a specific meter here but it is 7778 for the first two stanzas and then 8889 for the last. In the final line the word serenity throws the whole flow of the final stanza off. You do not have to change anything about the poem, these are just some observations. Thanks

[icelandicblue]

Thanks for such a detailed review. I have not mastered meter, it's almost like I switch the meter as I go along so it works in my head and it sounds fine but I know it's off especially if you are one that counts those stressed and unstressed feet. I hate counting the meter, I do it more "by ear" and you see the problem with writing that way. I appreciate the time you took with this one. Thank you.

[Kenaz]

You're welcome. Sometimes I like to write by the traditional rules, but I usually end up switching between 7 and 8 syllables. I am forever cursed to write and read in this singsong manner.

[icelandicblue]

Yes, I just read your sonnet about Autumn and counted the syllables to see how it's done and I did notice your switch between 7 and 8 syllables. It's a lovely poem and flows beautifully. I hate being confined to those traditional rules but I do like to rhyme, it is a conundrum for me. I find free verse more freeing for descriptive purposes but I often think in rhyme- what's a poet to do? I am not disciplined enough for true traditional poetry and I admire your ability to follow those rules and do it well. If you read my poem Broken Feet please know I am not speaking of all traditionalists just one who told me I couldn't write poetry! ; )

[Kenaz]

Thank you very much and I shall check it out. If you want a super traditional poem you can read my sonnet called Laments. I had a lot of fun with that one.

[icelandicblue]

Fun with Sonnets- sounds like a book. I will be sure to check it out. Do you always write in form?

[Kenaz]

Not always, but most of the time I hear words in pairs instead of sentences, so I rhyme a lot

[icelandicblue]

I speak in rhyme at times to the delight of my 4th grade class. : ) I really like word play including rhyming.

[Kenaz]

My favorite devices are rhyme and alliteration

[icelandicblue]

I too love alliteration. It's a delicate balance of words as not to be overdone.

[JenniferMarie]

This is a beautiful poem. I like how you expressed her love for him. Lovely.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks so much for commenting. Nice to meet you.

[JenniferMarie]

You're welcome. Happy to review.

[Great Aunt Astri]

Yes, I agree with Elinor, but also the one who watches the love one sleep could also be our 'spiritual' self .I know it is supposed to be a sympton of mental ill health but I often feel there are those good souls around watching us, and indeed guiding us. I think this poem came right from your Muse!

[icelandicblue]

Maybe it did come from my Muse! Thanks so much for reading Aunt Astri.

[David Scott]

Hmmm? a little creepy. Ha.
Ok, I get it. You just can't take your eyes of the guy... It does happen.
Enjoy the coffee, sounds like you will need it to get through the day! ;)
Actually, I do understand this. I have been there before. It is a lovely unrest.

[icelandicblue]

Ha! I never looked at it from a stalkerish point of view...Then it would be quite creepy indeed.I like the way you can flip things in your mind and see them from multiple perspectives. I love your "lovely unrest."

[wordwarrior]

Your poem is just glorious! it's soft, elegant and breathtaking. The flow and rhyme and imagery are all superb. This made me sigh.
...minuets in candlelight...just adore that line.
Beautiful writing indeed.

[icelandicblue]

You are too kind and I thank you.

[TL Boehm]

Such a lovely poem. that first verse especially captured my attention. I think it was the simple phrase, softened brow and tousled hair.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks so much Tammy. ; )

[Lydia Shutter]

What a warm and loving atmosphere is created by your words. So very romantic. I liked it a lot. Lydi**

[icelandicblue]

Thanks Lydi, love your new pic!

[Lydia Shutter]

Thank you!

[s y e]

Your page is radiating heat right now; such a beautiful write as always from you. Your words are so loving and exquisite.

Flip flops for you!

[icelandicblue]

Waa Hoo- it can't be all doom and gloom now can it? Thanks a lot for taking the time to read and comment on my work.