I Can't Stop You From Dying

I am helpless because
we are hopelessly lost
in a forest so black
I can no longer see your old face.
You wear a mask so expertly placed.

I want so desperately to see you
as you once were but that boy is gone.
You can bring him to life to suit your needs
but I now realize he is dead, he lives only
in my memory. How do I bury him?

You are still flesh and blood
a doppelganger of my child so
I  let you into my
heart and you continue to shred it
without a blade in hand.

But I can't let you go despite
the lies and the betrayals.
I wonder if there is any love
left in your heart or have drugs
dissolved all that we had. They
have eroded the life I once loved.

The pain I live resides in each breath
and I know I cannot stop you from dying,
so I wait for the call to come and
identify your body, the boy who looks like you,
and I wonder if you will ever be at peace.

And I will remain fractured in this hell for the rest of my days
looking at photos and videos into my dotage waiting
for death because the best of my life resided in you-
and I couldn't stop you from dying
for a mother's tears have no power here.

Reviews

[Glen]

Very moving, thank you for sharing your obvious pain.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you for reading and commenting.

[London's Lily]

As I read, I hoped I wasn't right about what I suspected you were writing about. The third stanza confirmed it, and I read the rest with an overwhelming amount of empathy for you. No mother should have to experience that powerless feeling, especially given our nature as mothers to fiercely protect our children. My heart goes out to you. Poignant and beautifully written. I wish you and your son the very best. :)

[icelandicblue]

Thank you for your positive words. I truly appreciate it. Thank you again.

[s y e]

Hi honey,

This is a really heart wrenching write that I really feel for you. Sometimes, we cannot save our love ones, we need to let them hit rock bottom, we need to let them find their own way and learn but for a mother, to see their child go through all that is tough. Watching your child do something to them self that is harmful and can kill them is excruciating for a parent, I can only imagine.

I know you feel helpless but you know what, you're his mother and he loves you and your love is the only thing that he needs right now, you're helping his as much as you can. It's up to him now.

A very emotional write, Blue.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you Noodle. It is the most difficult position for a mother to be in. There is no greater torture. Thanks so much for your kind thoughts they mean a lot.

[Mark]

What a heart rending write. The pain and helplessness... addiction takes more than just it's primary victim. :( I hope an answer can be found before death takes this person. Sometimes touching bottom is enough.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you Mark. I pray he finds his bottom and soon.

[David Scott]

You pen a sad fact of life her blue...
Weather a true death or a death of the innocence of a better time and place, these things are out of our control.
Well said and I feel the emotions the this write well.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you so much David. It's true, there are many kinds of death.

[Rosaria_V]

The name of your poem is so grabbing "I can't stop you from dying" and the poem is so great!

[icelandicblue]

Thank you again for your comment.

[Corset]

so overwhelming the urge of a mother to protect her young, so strong, and you protrayed that well here in this poetry. In this line, I would pause between the "I cannot" as if breathing and shaking my head, then I would go on to "no longer see your face" cause otherwise it's a double negative, personally I like dots :)... or step it down and leave I cannot by itself ..

I cannot...or in a forset so black; I cannot,
no longer see your old face;

yada, but I felt the pain of denial in this line, and the power of it too to make one want to give up, throw up their hands, very strong poem.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you Corset. I have corrected the double negative- thanks for pointing that out.

[Corset]

:) I hope you'll do the same for me when it happens :) It's like having toilet paper on your shoe :) Thank you :)

[Jack...]

Anne, your sadness is my sadness, your tears and my tears and you heartbreak has reached into me and affected me so. We can say we give up, but do we ever truly do so? Life is filled with ups and downs, but love can eventually conquer all I truly believe. Some can't hear the words, the phrases, the demands, but somewhere inside they can feel the love. Sometimes the bottom has to be found before the stairway that leads up is noticed. I only wish there were something I could do.

Always with you...

[icelandicblue]

Thank you Jack,

I'm not giving up...I am trying a new tactic called tough love. There is a saying if nothing changes nothing changes. He needs to hit bottom and I can't keep saving him. I am actually loving him to death. Addiction can only be overcome by the addict, the rest is all an act to get what the addict wants. He needs to want, really want to be clean. He's in detox, I paid the copay, I drove him there, I even bought him new socks and underwear but if he doesn't go to rehab and follow through I am not saving him. It will be up to him.

[Jack...]

I understand Anne. I am behind you all the way. lean on me if you need to.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Mother's love is incomparable, this write really touch my heart. Honest and full of emotions. Great write.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you so very much Mark. I think a mother's love is the most powerful force on earth but sometimes even that is not enough.