I Mourn The Light That is Lost

You are on my mind
in snippets of silly images-
remember how you never knocked and
that time I scared you witless because
you didn't know I was home -

you needed yet again a tie
or dress shoes or something
that you waited until the last minute to
think about, ending up "shopping" at our house.

You lived across the street
but you were an extension of our family-
identical to your brother but we always
knew it was you, you had your own light.

I'm trying to fill my mind with
those moments that most reflected
your innocent nature and your raucous laugh-
you were never quiet, always had something
to share, and how we loved you while we sush'd you.

And now my mind moves to your silence,
your death consumes my thoughts and
I bleed for you beautiful boy your
life taken in a flash

at a place you had spent every summer of your youth,
in water you knew and had swum in countless times,
till this time. I push those images away, you are gone
but I still fear for you in those last moments.

I am at a loss, I am lost, as we await the rituals
where we say goodbye- but it won't be that easy-
you were too vibrant to just be gone and I can't
say goodbye forever, I won't.

 I will carry those sparks of yours
in the pocket of my mind and I will
visit you there in my own way because I love
you, I just didn't know how much until now

Reviews

[ChemicalMadness]

i often wonder what will happen when i go...i know life will go on...people whom i find dear will smile and laugh again....friends will resume fretting about the mundane...but will a piece of me stay behind? will i creep into a lull in thinking...will i flash into a certain memory...will a hint of me turn corners of mouths slightly up or slow a breath (or speed one up)? and after i chide myself for being overly narcissistic, i think i would rest happy knowing there was one YOU out there, scribbling lines for me...my soul would smile. his does too, blue.

I'm sorry i took so long to get to this. your words hold such meaning. thank you, dear.
CM.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you CM. I too have thought those same thoughts. I have been doing extensive work on my family tree and I've gone back about 4 generations which isn't bad since my parents were 1st generation here. It's hard to get info when you don't speak the language. I have these names but no memories and it makes me sad that they have no one to remember them anymore. Our ties to this world are tenuous at best but I'd like to think I'd live on somewhere in someone.

[therisa]

Of all the emotions that swirl around, in my head, sorrow is, the one that speaks the loudest to me. May your memories live forever, in your hearts of hearts, as the years past. Holding on, to those memories, which his brilliant light shines the brightest. Know these words, may mean nothing to you, but it's my way of offering condonese on your lost.

[icelandicblue]

They mean a lot to me therisa and I thank you for them.

[therisa]

Your welcome.

[Baby Ricochet]

Great poem blue. Lots of emotions. I love the last stanza

[icelandicblue]

Thanks a lot Baby Ricochet. I appreciate it.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

there isn't much i can say about this piece, all i can do is feel the sadness of the loss...and smile at the anecdotes of memory you so nicely slipped into it.

[icelandicblue]

It's those memories that help us through the dark times. Thanks for your empathy.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i lost my best friend, Paula...back in 1984...she was a light...she was also only 27...died in a fire..

still mourning.

[icelandicblue]

Oh jacob, I am so sorry.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Anne...she was a gem...but i have many happy memories to carry with me...she was shining light and would want me to be smiling...so i do.

[Emily B]

morning and mourning are sometimes difficult to bear, your words are beautiful, lift-filled and resonating of the young man's natural glow, there is an old song from the 19th century and sometimes i wonder if they didn't have a better understanding of death and dying, even if they were a little behind in other regards

We shall meet, but we shall miss him
There will be one vacant chair
We shall linger to caress him
While we breathe our evening prayer.

True, they tell us wreaths of glory
Ever more will deck his brow,
But this soothes the anguish only
Sweeping o'er our heartstrings now.

Sleep today, Oh early fallen,
In thy green and narrow bed,
Dirges from the pine and cypress,
Mingle with the tears we shed.

We shall meet, but we shall miss him
There will be one vacant chair
We shall linger to caress him
While we breathe our evening prayer.

[icelandicblue]

Oh Emily that is simply beautiful. It made me cry.

[Emily B]

listen to it on youtube, Andy Griffith sang it once to Otis in the jail cell, it is an achingly beautiful song about all the young men lost to the civil war

[icelandicblue]

I listened to a couple of different you tube renditions and it brought me to tears- it is a beautiful song.

[Troy Henson]

Wow. This has really touched me. Such deep and raw emotion is felt in this. The sadness is described so well and the tone in this sent chills down my neck. Memories are forever and as sad as some memories are we need these as a reminder of the ones we have lost. Enjoy the good memories, embrace the loss and never forget. A trully heartfelt piece.
Well done.

Regards
Troy

[icelandicblue]

Thank you so much for your kind review.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Such emotion...such pain and bittersweet symphonic sonority. I have felt this way before; endured the pangs of memories and being lost. Goodbye is always the hardest part, and I can still remember every one that I have ever made when it comes to love--some of them I didn't even know where actually goodbyes at the time. My first love committed suicide, I still remember the last time we made love...things like that...anyway. THis was very well done and so completely relatable!

[icelandicblue]

Sarah-

Thank you so much. We all carry tragedy and I suppose the key to survival is what we do with it. Thank you so much for your touching review.

[TL Boehm]

I don't even know how to review this. to respond to it with coherent thought because it is so beautiful and achingly sad at the same time. It took my breath away. It squeezed my heart.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks so much TL. Your kind words are so appreciated.

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

Wow, that was beyond heartfelt... you put your emotion into a tragically, beautiful piece.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks, it's new and raw and real. I think it needs work but I won't be able to do that until time has passed. He died Friday and I'm using this as a vehicle to sort through all my emotions. Right now getting them down on paper seemed like I was doing something instead of just feeling helpless. Thank you so much for reading and commenting.

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

I'm sorry to learn of your loss. My heart goes out to you, and all else who knew and loved him. I understand what you mean. Sometimes, venting through this avenue is a form of healing. I wish you much strength through such a tough time.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks poetic heroics, it means a lot.

[Angel]

OH, Blue!!
There are no words....no words...
All I have are my tears. You have written grief and loss...and my heart responds with anguish.
Do I tell you what a magnificent work this is? Magnificent doesn't begin to tell it...

[icelandicblue]

We are human and tragedy befalls us. I know you understand. Thank you Angel.

[Angel]

I understand.

[Sheila Kline]

Oh, this is so very beautiful and touches my inner core as I can relate to these feelings, and questions!
We just cannot understand how those who are young are taken as this - but they are!
You have conveyed your deep concern and affection for this dear boy in a way that also gives tribute to his memory!
May your grief be eased as you think and write of it!! Writing is very good therapy to help deal with all consuming grief!!!

[icelandicblue]

That you Sheila. I appreciate your kind words.