I Mourn The Light That is Lost

You are on my mind
in snippets of silly images-
remember how you never knocked and
that time I scared you witless because
you didn't know I was home -

you needed yet again a tie
or dress shoes or something
that you waited until the last minute to
think about, ending up "shopping" at our house.

You lived across the street
but you were an extension of our family-
identical to your brother but we always
knew it was you, you had your own light.

I'm trying to fill my mind with
those moments that most reflected
your innocent nature and your raucous laugh-
you were never quiet, always had something
to share, and how we loved you while we sush'd you.

And now my mind moves to your silence,
your death consumes my thoughts and
I bleed for you beautiful boy your
life taken in a flash

at a place you had spent every summer of your youth,
in water you knew and had swum in countless times,
till this time. I push those images away, you are gone
but I still fear for you in those last moments.

I am at a loss, I am lost, as we await the rituals
where we say goodbye- but it won't be that easy-
you were too vibrant to just be gone and I can't
say goodbye forever, I won't.

 I will carry those sparks of yours
in the pocket of my mind and I will
visit you there in my own way because I love
you, I just didn't know how much until now

Reviews

[ChemicalMadness]

i often wonder what will happen when i go...i know life will go on...people whom i find dear will smile and laugh again....friends will resume fretting about the mundane...but will a piece of me stay behind? will i creep into a lull in thinking...will i flash into a certain memory...will a hint of me turn corners of mouths slightly up or slow a breath (or speed one up)? and after i chide myself for being overly narcissistic, i think i would rest happy knowing there was one YOU out there, scribbling lines for me...my soul would smile. his does too, blue.

I'm sorry i took so long to get to this. your words hold such meaning. thank you, dear.
CM.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you CM. I too have thought those same thoughts. I have been doing extensive work on my family tree and I've gone back about 4 generations which isn't bad since my parents were 1st generation here. It's hard to get info when you don't speak the language. I have these names but no memories and it makes me sad that they have no one to remember them anymore. Our ties to this world are tenuous at best but I'd like to think I'd live on somewhere in someone.

[s y e]

Wow Anne, this brought tears to my eyes. It is such a painful write. You've poured all your emotions in to it. This is such a lovely tribute from you. I hope this is the last loss you have for a while, and hopefully things will start to look up from here.

Keep you chin up, love.

[icelandicblue]

Ah, death has visited me on a number of occasions and I fear him each time he closes in. thanks

[Frieda P]

I'm a loss what to say here, I know your pain, and I feel this one profoundly, so sad and tragic. A lovely tribute from your pen, I hope this is the last loss you have to write about for very, very long time my sweet friend.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you Frieda. Me too.

[Jack...]

Anne, my sweet friend, such tragic loss is never easy to understand, but life goes on and these people you have lost are now on a wonderful and exciting adventure, learning the landscape, picking out the best restaurants, and setting up shop so it makes it that much easier when it is our time to visit them once again. My friend, I feel bad for you and I cry with you but I also smile, because you are my friend.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you jack, you sir are a very good friend indeed. I want to believe that this is not the only plane of existence. You make that seem more possible.

[Aethereal]

This is a lovely tribute for your friend. Every event within our universe is of an ephemeral nature. The only constant is change. There's love, friendship, and beauty to be found within each moment. When one door closes another opens somewhere else. Death is just another door that opens onto another world. Each passing moment points to a door to the next. I feel sure that the paths of lovers and friends cross time and time again throughout eternity.

[icelandicblue]

That is something I desperately want to believe in. Thank you Aethereal.

[Pete Langley]

The invisible bond that persists after a death is real and necessary for the living. The connection is tangible and allows us continuity. This piece is very affecting for me, Blue. P.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you Peter for sharing your thoughts and feelings. It is true that the connection cannot be severed.

[rhythm&blues]

This is incredibly touching, a tearjerker, so sorry for your loss.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you for your kind words of support.

[KAOlmsted]

I got chills reading this. So tragic, but the love is evident. I'm so sorry for your loss, but this piece is simply beautiful...

[icelandicblue]

Thanks Kimmer- the world always seems out of balance when someone young dies. I appreciate your kind thoughts.

[Rita L. Sev]

Your grief shades each beautiful memory... You final line is so powerful - we really never know the depth of love until... Beautiful poetry here.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you so much Rita for reading this poem.