A Vibrant Jar

On the passing of my father

There was a time long before
you ever knew of me, but I
have never known time without you.

My mind is so filled with snippets
of images and sharp emotion there seems
little that I can do with them.

The tsunami of my grief is so great it
creates a sandstorm of color that swirls
around me and burns my eyes.

Tears cannot clean away the moments
nor can they glue each ragged piece
into its proper place.

It is the time I've lost I seek,
so when the eye of the storm passes
I shall drop one mottled pebble into a clear simple jar,

and there it shall stay and await the others.

Before I release each pebble I shall roll it in between
my fingers to feel its textures, its heat and
coolness attempting to fully understand its depth.

Eventually it will settle into its own jeweled memory
that belongs only to us, and I shall press the jar closed
tightly before the next wave of grief bears down on me.

And when it has passed I will sit with the sun on my
face and remember your touch, your smell, the timbre
of your voice and the sight of you as only I saw

and then I will add another pebble.

I will repeat this ritual for the rest of my days
counting each moment of love that passed between us
held tightly and kept warm within a vibrant jar of memories.

Reviews

[Angi]

Awww, Blue. This is so beautiful. I can feel your longing for your dad. Sending you hugs and thoughts. Angi~

[icelandicblue]

Thanks Angi,

I appreciate it.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"the jeweled memory...after the tsunami of grief"

this is beautifully written, the images cut our heart...

a sad and stirring tribute...

can't pick the best lines because all are so powerful.

jacob

[icelandicblue]

jacob, my friend, thank you.

[Frieda P]

You own my every last tear blue...such a bittersweet jar to have to fill, memories can't be confined, they breathe their own life and live on in our hearts, it's a lovely, gesture as a reminder of all that you shared. My thoughts are with you.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you Frieda, you made me cry. I appreciate that more than you can know.

[icelandicblue]

i need somewhere to put them, they hurt too much.

[Frieda P]

I know there are no words, so I won't even try, just know you are in my thoughts and I wouldn't doubt that he has his own vibrant jar too. x