His courage circles the drain, as he watches her walk by- surrounded by others who, only inhibit his vision.
She is the scintillating goddess, currently reigning in his small world. She is the reflection that the others long for, hoping that mere proximity would allow her visage to jump mirrors.
He watches with his back against a cold brick wall, attempting a cavalier pose that looks staged. He is all long limbs and sharp angles, making him look like a discarded marionette.
She is refined and poised from a life of adulation, and feeds off his hunger without giving him a glance. She is the alpha babe in this primordial high school pool, and no lifeguard can rescue him from his current social standing.
This poem does a good job of describing what goes on in the minds of some high school students as they walk the halls. I would have written a more complex poem whereby I would have shown there to be a shy “Omega Girl” who doesn’t look like much, but has a heart of gold. I’d show her to have a secret crush on that “discarded marionette”, one that he‘s unaware of in spite of all the subtle cues that she gives him. Here you’d need some insight into the female mind.
hoping that mere proximity would allow her visage to
jump mirrors.
Wow, these are amazing lines! I'm completely impressed by the idea of the image and the image itself.
The piece as a whole...I understand this feeling of watching others and feeling as though you don't quite fit into the mix. Obviously this is written from the POV of a guy watching a girl, but the larger metaphor can be applied to people in general who watch others and judge themselves with unfair scrutiny. It's a cold place, being on the outside, but it is also a place where a person can gain a little more perspective if they actually take the time to watch things closely enough.
This is a cool little piece, and I enjoyed it a lot.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Thanks so much Girl Friday. I agree with you about the larger metaphor. We begin to judge ourselves .. read moreThanks so much Girl Friday. I agree with you about the larger metaphor. We begin to judge ourselves against others early on and it continues through our media filled lives. You always pull out more from a poem than it says.
Ahh the good old days of high school. Personally I never cared about being popular but I had a friend who was the female version of your guy. She always had her sites set on the most popular guys. It was silly really..they all wanted alpha babes not us average girls. My friend would get so irritated and I would just say..." there's plenty of other fish out there." Great piece here blue!!
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
LOL- some people are just gluttons for punishment. There are few who can break through the barriers .. read moreLOL- some people are just gluttons for punishment. There are few who can break through the barriers of high school. Thanks so much! : )
I remember becoming aware of how self-conscious these girls usually are. It seems to matter far more to them than most what you think of them, as they've spent a lot of time and energy researching and constructing the most desirable image possible. But often, because of that, they become lonely. No one wants to approach them.
I loved this : 'His courage circles the drain as he watches her walk by.'
Nice one.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Thanks so much Steven and you are right of course. Those perceived as unattainable are sometimes lon.. read moreThanks so much Steven and you are right of course. Those perceived as unattainable are sometimes lonely because everyone assumes that they are not. Thanks for commenting.
i just wrote a poem about the grade school babes...will post sometime soon..
loved the timing of this...and the timing within the poem...
i remember these girls during high school days..the attainable...the ones who knew how beautiful and smart they were.
except one i remember..thanks to this poem..mary wesendorf...beauty, smart...i asked her to join me for mixed doubles bowling tournament...and almost keeled over when she said yes...it was our only date...but she was very nice and we had a good time...she was a delight considering how she could have had attitude about herself...
always a good memory...all the guys drooled when they found out i had a date with her..they were like.."how did you do get a date with her" and much like john cusack in "say anything" i responded "i asked her"!
thanks for the memory..
of course afterward, i remembered my social standing...:)
Two things:
1) am I good, or am I good?
2) creepy. I also flashed to cusack, trench coa.. read moreTwo things:
1) am I good, or am I good?
2) creepy. I also flashed to cusack, trench coat awkward with stereo defiantly aloft. Iconic.
11 Years Ago
What a great story jacob. It is amazing how stringently stratified the high school hierarchy is. I l.. read moreWhat a great story jacob. It is amazing how stringently stratified the high school hierarchy is. I loved your story and I look forward to reading about your grade school babe.
Nice, Ice ;)
Loved it. He is all long limbs and sharp angles. Truth. You painted such a great picture here....reminds me a little of a story our friend Jacob would tell. Your style is different, but the substance is exactly something I'd expect to see of him...which, by the way, is no small compliment to you, my dear :)
CM.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Why thank you very much. That is a high compliment!!
Wow, brings back memories of those days. Lots of drowning, and going down for the third time in those primordial pools of HS if I remember correctly. I think everyone remembers this guy though, good one blue!
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
A sludge fest=high school!!! Thanks Frieda!
11 Years Ago
My sentiments exactly, I thought they were supposed to be the good old days...my pleasure.
I do not accept any new friend requests unless we have read and commented on each others poetry. No exceptions. I have enough homework as it is. I expect reciprocity in our exchanges. Read my work and.. more..