The Feral Color of Maddness Revised

Madness hides in feral colors
and leaden lungs' screams
are swallowed into darkness
while lilies wave in surrender.

Spring days hide the heat of
the scorching summer, lulling
the sun starved into the light to
melt and sizzle on the pavement.

Skies ablaze with clouds in vibrant hues
creating halos around the fire
that ignores its onlookers but invites
them to dare and touch.

Sweat trickles down backs while
hot asphalt is shoveled out
for smooth rides on roads
dancing with heat waves.

Top down convertibles breeze
through the thick air, breaking
it down into a cool mirage
based on perpetual motion.

Plunge past the roadblocks and
sip from the cold springs that
are hidden in plain view just
beyond your reach.

Alternate Poem

Madness hides in feral colors
and leaden lungs' screams
are swallowed into darkness
while lilies wave in surrender.

Spring days hide the heat of
the scorching summer, lulling
the sun starved into the light to
melt and sizzle on the pavement.

Skies ablaze with clouds in vibrant hues
creating halos around the fire
that ignores its onlookers but invites
them to dare and touch.

Sweat trickles down backs while
hot asphalt is shoveled out
for smooth rides on roads
dancing with hot promise.

Top down convertible,
perpetual motion as friction
eats at the asphalt while
heat waves beckon the unsuspecting

on a well-worn path to hell.

Reviews

[KAOlmsted]

Are trying to tell us you're crazy from the heat xD This is a seriously awesome road trip through the senses of the seasons...I loved every word but the first stanza seemed to want to take me to a place the rest of the poem refused to go...and the following stanzas were clearly the ones at the wheel...all in all, great imagery and astounding stuff...love it.

[icelandicblue]

I am just crazy in general! Thanks for your comment- this is an older poem of my that I dusted off. I wasn't sure about it because my style has changed some since then so I'm happy that you liked it.

[KAOlmsted]

I did like it, and I know what you mean, I have a few things posted on here that I wrote back in the 80s and I'm like...really? But, meh, I refuse to murder the little buggers, so they are immortally etched upon the rock foundation of WC...Always my pleasure, blue...

[s y e]

Wow, that picture is quite sexy! O.o I loved this, it was an amazing write, had me hooked from the first stanza. Loved the title too. I was hooked by the title and even more hooked by the amazing author who wrote it. I have been meaning to read this one for a while as I had it bookmarked but school (yuck) has had me stacked with homework and tests.... cries.

Anyhoo, I loved it. Great job!

[icelandicblue]

Oh I didn't realize this had a duplicate. I'll have to fix that. Homework is more important than my poetry! Thanks for reading.

[s y e]

Never ever, ha. Reading you makes my day!

[Pete Langley]

The madness induced by extreme exposure to heat will make us do the most ridiculous things to cool us down, wont it? A fast convertible blows that madness away only to replace it with another! This piece might even be a complete metaphor for escapism. Interesting and engrossing. P.

[Sami Khalil]

An amazing write . All good and powerful...:)

[icelandicblue]

Thank you Sami.

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure . Good stuff...:)

[Astro]

Great piece about the seasonal fury that attacks us every year. I especially love the second stanza. I think it is perfect. I think the first version is the better, although, I like the harsh ending of the latter for effect. The only thing I thought you could redo, and I believe it is the same in both versions, is your description of the "top down convertible". The bit about the perpetual motion, just didn't seem right somehow. Maybe something about cruise-control being set as you whip past mirages, or something about how even speeding down the road, can't save you from the sweltering heat from hell. Just suggestions. Great poem though, love that second stanza.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks for such great suggestions. I'm always tinkering with my poems so I'll keep your advice in mind when I sit down with this one again.

[Astro]

You're welcome.

[Zahra]

Very nice usage of words, very well written!

[icelandicblue]

Thanks so much.

[Distant horizons]

A cool mirage based on perpetual motion. I love that. It says so much to me. Keep moving and the need to think will stay away, like a child holding there ears and making noise to srown out what they dont want to hear.

[icelandicblue]

Oh yes exactly! Thanks Lorry.

[Frieda P]

You had me with the first line alone, the trip just got better from there. Lots of seductive heat in this write, not to mention the motion of it, is quite pleasant a ride too, nice bit of spice here!

[icelandicblue]

Coming from the queen of spice I take that as the highest of compliments! Thanks so much.

[Chris]

Good building, I followed through as the tension grew... the sense of heat continuing. I felt sort of let down with the end though - like it didn't do the build-up ...justice.

[icelandicblue]

Perhaps you found the end a bit too pat; a whimper instead of a bang.

[Chris]

You used good building and allusions to Heat (cap intended) - decent promise and yes... a deflated whimper at the end. Why did you back away?

[icelandicblue]

I opted for the antithesis of heat rather than an explosion. I'm not sure if I backed away or took another path, something to quench the thirst.

[icelandicblue]

So how do you think should fix the ending?

[Chris]

When you bring heat ...bring it.

[icelandicblue]

I have changed the ending. What do you think?

[Chris]

Oooooo ...toasty...

[icelandicblue]

Thanks for the push Chris.

[Chris]

Heat isn't always graphic ...but it IS always by intent.