The Fair Miss Grant

The fair Miss Grant
sat on the beach facing at
the maximum angle that would
allow her the benefit of
the most direct sun.

She was, after all, an opportunist
at heart. Some might call her
unscrupulous but she considered
herself to be simply resourceful,

and those who thought otherwise
were just namby pamby little prisses
who didn't permit themselves to live
beyond their bourgeois boundaries of safety.

Immune today to ill thoughts
and to the scare tactic
reports on skin cancer she lathered
herself up in a fine oil that came in
its expensive jar and prepared to
roast herself to perfection.

She folded any and all unpleasantness
into small neat origami squares
and filed them away under killjoy. She
was, after all, known for always seeing the
bright side of things.

The day was clear and the
wind was pleasant. The ocean
seemed to join the ends of the
earth permitting her to daydream
about faraway places,

but her attention
span was short and she reached
for a nice cold draft from a small keg
she had sequestered away in her very chic cooler.
She repeated this exercise frequently over the course
of the day.

Subsequent hours were spent baking and
getting baked and as the sun began to hang
low in the sky and the ocean breeze
brought a chill it finally forced
the fair Miss Grant to gather up her things.

Now she would head out
to eat a delectable meal
of grilled fish and vegetables at a local
seaside establishment. They always put
the fair Miss Grant in the window to showcase
her loveliness for those lucky enough to walk by.

Perhaps had the fair Miss Grant spent less time
baking and getting baked she would have been
able to maneuver her gas guzzling behemoth of
a car out of the parking lot, but instead while she
gazed at her newly browned visage
she sailed directly into a ditch.

When they pulled her and her vehicle from a most
awkward angle the fair Miss Grant was pleased.
She looked forward to when they took her
mug shot. She hoped that it would capture her
perfectly shaded skin kissed
with an ever so slight hint of red,

she knew she would
be the envy of all the pasty faced
denizens currently languishing
at the local hoosegow.

It was, she thought, a good day to be her.

Reviews

[Megara]

She sounds a bit vain but lovely in a way.I enjoy the way you described the beach,lovely:)

[Emily Feret]

What a fun little tale! I really enjoyed reading this start to finish!

[icelandicblue]

Thanks so much Emily.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

oh but reality will strike, and she will see that the attention will only last for moments and be gone.

[icelandicblue]

One can only hope but people like this can be quite obtuse. Thanks for reading and commenting.

[Androglossia]

Clever. Very clever. At first glance one would think they are reading Audrey Hepburn until the mug shot then they realize it's actually Lindsay Lohan. You got me:) And oh, how oblivious I am to forget that Lindsay doesn't look up to Miss Hepburn but Miss Monroe:) I should have seen it coming.

[icelandicblue]

Ha ha thanks Marianne- Lindsay Lohan most definitely!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Stunning write can't give more than this words" Beautiful penned." Thanks for sharing

[icelandicblue]

Marc-
I am pleased that you liked this poem. Thank you so much for commenting.

[Pete Langley]

This is very disconcerting to me, It`s written so well that the first reaction is just as an amusing description of numbskullery - of skindeep stupidity. The problem arises when I realise just how many emptyheads there are out there...and how dangerous they can be, especially when they get into positions of power and authority. p.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks so much Pete. I agree with you, here we call that the Peter Principle:
It's a proposition that states that the members of an organization where promotion is based on achievement, success, and merit, will eventually be promoted beyond their level of ability. "Employees tend to rise to their level of incompetence."

It's a scary world!

[Dr. Wood ?]

brilliant ICE....I love the way your stories unfold and this was no exception

[icelandicblue]

Thanks so much Dr. Wood! I'm happy you liked this vapid little story.

[KAOlmsted]

HA! I did not see that coming xD The entire piece flowed seamlessly to its unexpected conclusion with the exception of that one pesky little "y" there at the end of "ever"...seriously fun read. Thanks for sharing this, blue...I love it.

[icelandicblue]

I appreciate that you found the story amusing. I fixed that errant y and once again want to thank you for finding it.

[KAOlmsted]

Always my pleasure when I find myself upon your page...

[quinfinn]

so shallow a character that, even upon being arrested, she thought only of how her mug shot would look with the tan she was sporting. i have known this woman too many times in my life, and i love the playful way you poke fun at her vanity. awesome write!

[icelandicblue]

Ha Ha quinfinn- they are out there in more numbers than I care to think about.

[Jack...]

I understood the message and thought it was great, but I also found this humorous, very well done, very funny, like someone spiked Emily Dickinson's lemonade before she wrote. Very, very good. I really like the style, the flow and the story of this self centered woman.

[icelandicblue]

What a great description- I bet Emily would approve of a spiked drink now and than. After all she was pretty progressive. I am happy that you found the story humorous. Thanks for the nice review.