Fructose and Barley

She sips sugared lemon drops,
tapping French manicured nails,
and pretends to be interested in the décor.

He has no pretenses poised on his bar stool,
as he gulps her in whole; she shudders while,
he covets that which is not visible. 

She’s all citrus and fructose,
he’s all barley and hops,
a mortar and pestle mess of incompatible ingredients.

She stares straight into her drink looking
for the answers for which she has
not yet asked the questions.

He poses no questions, and adjusts pinpoint pupils,
waiting for her drink to loose its hypnotic powers
and she feels the temperature rising uncomfortably.

Instead of shedding her cashmere she pulls it tighter
to ward off the chill of choices she won’t make,
while alcohol burns a path straight to her psyche.

Gathering her thoughts and her things she stands
and feels the weight of his stare through all her layers.
Finally, she steps carefully into the snowy evening,

for at least tonight, she will preserve, the tundra of her marriage.

Reviews

[Jack...]

Wow, for a moment I forgot I was reading at all, as I was whisked off to this neighborhood bar and watched from a darkened corner to see what might happen. This was very well done and I am envious of your talents. To tell a defined story, an evening out, the scene, setting and people involved in only a few short verses while bringing of a full blowm love novel is truly amazing.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks Jack,
I appreciate that. I am happy that you felt involved in my words. What more can I writer ask than that? Thanks again.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Wow! :) love the story progression; it is vivid, sensual and captivating wordplays. I admired the strong resistance for temptation. Great write 

[icelandicblue]

Thanks Marc I appreciate it.

[Distant horizons]

Like the atmosphere you managed to set so well into this piece, taking us all on a journey of the mind, that manages to surprise our own thoughts of what the end will be, by seeing sense and walking away, which, I felt, had more of an impact than anything else that might have happened in its place. Very well written.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks so much Lorry.

[Dr. Wood ?]

quite brilliant this..you have a way of telling a story that I envy......I felt that I was in that bar watching every move........If only I had had my pad and pen..I might have written something myself...

[icelandicblue]

Thanks Dr. Wood- I appreciate that you mentioned that you felt like you were there. ; )

[Dr. Wood ?]

I WAS there, but don't worry, I am not a private detective

[KAOlmsted]

Been there, many times...unfortunately, I made the other decision, many times...Probably why my first husband is my ex-husband. Ah well, lesson learned in the end. Happily monogamous these days and have been for eleven years ;-)

I really loved this piece, blue...I felt like I was right there, sitting in that bar, the descriptions used were top notch, I thought ;-) That last line really made me reel, I was like, Oh-ho, way to find that self-control! Clearly our heroine was not ready to throw her marriage away. Great stuff.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks kimmer. She's not ready yet... we'll see where she ends up. Perhaps this story is not done. As always, thanks so much for commenting.

[KAOlmsted]

Always my pleasure, blue.

[Frieda P]

Ahh the choices we make in life, especially after having a few. Perhaps she's not so happy at home, or undecided of what she wants. I love the line....

'to ward off the chill of choices she won’t make'

Very telling....great read!

[Pete Langley]

I`m not sure about this, Blue. I like the theme - the failure in the search for chemistry, both in the bar and at home. I also like the narrative style, but I find some of your description slightly clumsy and obvious - for instance "incompatible ingredients" instead of, perhaps, `the unmixable` and "hypnotic powers" instead of (for me)` hypnosis`.This sort of ineptness loses the atmosphere for me. I do hope these thoughts are helpful. P.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks Pete, sorry it didn't work for you.

: )

[R. L. Ives]

Moi caliente. Right up to even the last word. Your writing is fantastic. I always watch what you write as I am reading it.

These are my favorite lines

a mortar and pestle mess of incompatible ingredients

And

Instead of shedding her cashmere she pulls it tighter
to ward off the chill of choices she won’t make,

[icelandicblue]

Thanks R.L. You always have such nice things to say. I am happy that you liked it.

[quinfinn]

which begs the question, why is she out drinking in a bar if she has a husband at home? that was my first thought, although he could be away fighting some war, i suppose. this is superb writing. it tells a story in delightful verse and has a feel that is tangible and palpable. i could picture them sitting in the bar, he, sizing her up and she, feeling like she was about to cringe from disdain. excellent!

[icelandicblue]

I thought when I wrote this that she just wasn't ready to go home yet. Thanks for reading and the kind comment.