Junk Rope

She snakes around him
legs taut in tantric anticipation.
Her midnight purple
hair dances in the
match light.

He is barely aware of her
as he readies their escape.
Drowning in his
concentration, she's begging
for release.

He sticks her, heads
thrown back,
their breath runs up
the bathroom wall;
the sacrament of ghosts.

He follows her into ecstasy
a  clotted chemistry,
rewriting old love stories
from two's to threes,

They believe that they are more
than they have ever been;
Romeo, Juliet and heroin.

Reviews

[icelandicblue]

Powerful words here...
I guess I understand the underlaying meaning of it.
This is really intense, and well thought out.

What I like is that you paint with words, this gave me a Tarantino feeling...
(Pulp Fiction), and I enjoyed that part so much!

Your ending could be interpret as two who love, and die, as "HERO's"

- Elisa

[icelandicblue]

Thanks, I loved Pulp Fiction and Tarantino...I do understand what you mean.
Again many thanks.

You're most welcome... Tomorrow I go read more of you definitely!!!!

[stephen dillon]

opiates and love, one in the same?

[Relic]

Wow, after reading your explanation to Paul I can see it now. It IS a good twist and very clever. The last line puts it into a nice perspective that kind of shocks. This is a really good one. Nice writing Ice.

[icelandicblue]

Thank you so much for reading and it is nice to meet you.

[Relic]

You're welcome, it's nice to meet you too.

[caesarkreshen]

Sometimes seems like over-rhyme. Too complex. Not enough chance for the sound to echo... tantric anticipation would be an example. barely aware their.

I think a phrase like:

Her midnight purple
hair dances in the
match light.

could benefit from a word like "pale" before match light. Is it pale? Does it matter? It's better flow. Repetition of sound... I don't mean this for this poem but just "in general." Something to think about.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks, I'll look at it. I don't know if match light needs more than what it is but perhaps more in what it does? I am always revisiting my poems. I will take another look. The rhyme only occurs at the end though so I am not sure about the over-rhyme part?

[caesarkreshen]

Rhyme is the repetition of sound. "tantric anticipation" is a rhyme. Even goes on to concentration. And again, bare/aware/their is a rhyme. Something is awry.

I think pale as a flow word... not because it fits in that circumstance, but just something to keep in mind... is a good example. instead of tantric, antic you get...

midnight purple hair/ pale match light. You get... night/light. You get mid/mat. You get purple/pale. I don't know. I feel like throughout my life I say things and nobody understands O WELL. Apologies.

[icelandicblue]

I understand, you are talking about internal rhyme. You seem to gravitate toward alliteration and I suppose I do rhyme internally and externally- it is not always on purpose and for me the sound of it flows. That is probably something I would not undo because that is how I write and hear
words in my mind. Most of my poems have an aspect of internal rhyme. That being said
I do use and like the flow of alliteration.

Don't read my poem Veronique it is filled with all sorts of rhyme lol.

Thank you for taking so much time to give me feedback and no apologies are required.

[caesarkreshen]

It is alliteration, but it isn't. I think of sound as sound, like music... if you listen to people talk, they have patterns. There is only a finite amount of sounds in english... what 44? Some match. I suppose we all have different ears, though. Was just saying.

alliteration, like slant rhyme, is a poor term to me. I mean, they said Emily Dickinson slant rhymed but her rhymes were pretty tame. Term/tame, that's a slant rhyme forya.

Peace and enjoy.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks for all that information and for taking the time to give a really detailed review and for engaging in such a constructive conversation about the poem.

[Paul Seaman]

Wow. Really Good. I was trying to understand the sexual imagery and it turns out it was about heroin. Of course, I am kind of a literalist, so I may of missed the point !

[icelandicblue]

Hi,

The whole idea was to lead the reader one way and twist it at the end. You reacted as I had hoped you would! Thanks for visiting.

[Stacey Watts]

Wow this is a very powerful piece here. The words are explosive giving a passionate gritty feel to this. Don't mistake me, it's very beautifully executed. Nice work.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks so much. Nice to meet you.

[Stacey Watts]

Nice to meet you.

[Carolann Dowsett]

Wow very intense takes you right into the mind of the heroin addict. I love this.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks for taking the time Carolann.

[Carolann Dowsett]

Welcome :)

[SHEEMA HUQ]

thsi poem is just brilliantly written, I love the way you have included so many strands to the plot, I thoroughly enjoyed, thanks

[icelandicblue]

Thank you Sheema~ 2 years late!

[R. L. Ives]

I thought this was going to be one hot piece of erotica until clotted chemistry, still not sure what to expect I was completely blown away by the end!! The imagery is outstanding, what a picture this painted in my mind.

[icelandicblue]

Thanks R.L~

I am so sorry I missed your post. This was not a good time in my life. Thanks again.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

like freida i was wondering where this was going...and then POW...the ending wrapped it up in a neat little bow...although a tragic one at that. one last trip together maybe...

this is intense poetry.

and the double meaning of the title...terrific stuff.

[icelandicblue]

Hi,

Nice to meet you! Thank you for your response to this piece. I appreciate your enthusiastic response and the thoughtfulness you've put into your comment.

[Frieda P]

Holy, that one got me...wasn't sure where you were going after this verse...

'He sticks her, heads
thrown back,
their breath runs up
the bathroom wall;
the sacrament of ghosts.'

That's some dangerous love making going on...killer last line!

[icelandicblue]

Hi Frieda,

That was definitely a trompe l'oeil stanza. I am very appreciative of your response and including this on your shelf.

[Frieda P]

Yes that one hit me over the head and dragged me a couple of hundred feet, well done! My pleasure.