Stars

In the ray of the sun light so much is revealed. It is the light in the box of our whole world. Travel away from the beam and you will discover the stars. They inhabit our universe as a light of their own. They need no one to guide them, they put on the show. Down the path of darkness they are sustained. For if they had the sun to guide them how could they be known? To travel the path of a lesser light makes you a seeker and turns you bright.
The moon is daunting though it shows you a way. It creates everything around you a shadow of gray. Is this a gloom to live in a gray world? If you saw it as the sun revealed would you wish to know less? Or would you want to know more? But if you dare to walk, do you dare as a star? To know the darkness and see the great light from afar? It will make you shine in a group less known to the world. A galaxy of stars you will be to the universe we see. An inspiration for dreams of the heart to be achieved.

Reviews

[Kesch (Finding Julia)]

The moon is daunting though it shows you a way.
It creates everything around you a shadow of gray.
Is this a gloom to live in a gray world?
If you saw it as the sun revealed would you wish to know less?
Or would you want to know more?
But if you dare to walk, do you dare as a star?
To know the darkness and see the great light from afar?
It will make you shine in a group less known to the world.
A galaxy of stars you will be to the universe we see.
An inspiration for dreams of the heart to be achieved.

If you divided this up like this in separate lines, you would look better and flow a lot nicer.
Because there is rhyme and meter there, I really enjoyed this... 100%

[Connor Veenstra]

I like the contemplation, especially in the first part. Just took me to imagery of floating in space, looking at the stars and planets.

I noticed there were several points where you decided to rhyme, even though you don't do it for the rest of the poem. I recommend picking one or the other.

Also, breaking it up into more structured stanzas would be more pleasant to read.