Broken Places

This is the land of broken places, open your eyes, see the faces. Fear and distress live in the being, breaking and warping all we are seeing. We shed our tears and pour out our pain, what ails us inside puts us to shame. Hide in the shadows as much as you will, when the dark night hits, it will give you its thrill. On every corner the demons will walk, when you come out, they will stalk. Beware of their presence, they thirst for your soul. If they have it, you will grow cold.

Reviews

[M. Hassen]

I like the tone of this, and the call to "beware" - like it is important that I know about this place. For some reason the place you describe reminds me of the "Upside Down" in Stranger Things. One small change I'd make is the sentence, "Fear and distress live in the being, breaking and warping all we're seeing." To my ear it needs another syllable for rhythmic reasons. Like: "Fear and distress live in the being, breaking and warping all that we're seeing" or "Fear and distress live in the being, breaking and warping all we are seeing."

[Ian Craven]

I belive you are right about it needing another syllable. I like the second sentence. It is a good idea to eliminate the contraction. Great thinking M Hassen!! 😊

[Brenda Alicia]

This is great. The tempo is fluid.

[Hebe]

It does give me the chills when i read this..... you provoked great imagery with your words!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I like the rhyming here and the flow of this piece. Also the message given here is very clear and captivating. Nice reading it ☺

[Ian Craven]

Thanks so much

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You are welcome☺

[zunie frost]

great work my friend .
keep going