Anger or Forgiveness?

This was written for the person who abused me the most severely when I was a child. Yes, I really did used to daydream about him getting hit by a train...

 

You hurt me, so I hate you… My God! What a load to bear!

It kills my ability to love – it cripples my desire to care

I make myself stay angry, and keep the hurt alive

I think of nothing but revenge – and I hope you do not survive

I dwell on painful memories – I keep them in front of my mind

I feel the pain all over again, as I remember – every time

Just look at what you did to me – you hurt me and made me feel small

You battered and humiliated me, a six-year-old girl – a broken, beaten doll

You ruined my life with your cruelty.   You took my spirit away.

My life has been nothing but sorrow and pain. It’s your fault and you have to pay!

I want you to feel terrible – I want things in your life to be bad

I want you to hurt like I do – you have to be nothing but sad…

I hope all in your life is rotten, and that all that you feel is pain

You’re not allowed to be happy – hmm…maybe you’ll get hit by a train…

 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

 

Time passes and still I hate you – the thought of you still brings me pain

I still wish you to be miserable – imagining you happy just makes me insane!

My life is still sad and painful – I suffer my way through each day

All things in my life are rotten, but I’m still hoping to make you pay

For the damage you did fifteen years ago – it’s your fault my life is this way

You hurt me and made angry, and now my anger is here to stay

Until I can get back at you for the things that you did to me

Only then, when I’ve seen you suffer, only then will I finally be free…

 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

 

It’s been thirty-two years since I’ve seen you, and now when I look back

At the time I’ve wasted on anger and hate, I see the source of attack

I’ve wrecked my own life with my memories, by purposely giving them power

I’ve kept them alive in my feelings, I’ve turned my own life sour

As I look – really see – and know what I’ve done, I see that I’ve poisoned myself

I’ve made my life what it is today, and I’ve done it without your help

Yes, you hurt me when I was a child. You damaged me badly, I know.

I thought you were to blame for my whole life – I thought I never could grow.

Now I know what I have to do if ever I am to be free

I have to let the bitterness go – forgiveness is the key

It’s my choice what I do right now, let go or hang on to the pain

I could give it up, let it go, let it be – or I can keep on placing blame

I’m so tired of carrying this load – it’s so heavy and awkward to bear

It leaves no room for good in my life – it just drags me down to despair

But how can I bring myself to forgive you, after all that you did to me?

I have to forgive you to save my Self! That’s the secret – that is the key.

The only way I can live happy, is if I let the bitterness go

That’s the only way to make room in my life – the only way I can grow

So, I see I’ll have to practice this, because it’s so hard to do

I forgive you and I wish you well… Take care – and I will, too.

 

Sandra A. Nance

Reviews

[DiamondNRough AKA Patty..]

NOW THAT WAS A POWERFUL LAVENDER POWER POEM! Thank you for taking us through the true steps of healing. :)

Safe hugs