Past

Past

A Poem by iamshadowine

I saw my past,

Through a window pane,

It stared back at me,

Leaving me in vain

© 2017 iamshadowine


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Reviews

This has so much potential.
The first three lines are really good but the last word seems shoehorned in for rhyming expediency which is a real shame.
I'd rather see the last word really make me go Wow! than perfect rhymes that leave the reader deflated.
What was it that you were trying to convey in line 4?
How about "Broken with pain... " (play on the words 'broken' and 'pain/pane')

Posted 7 Years Ago


iamshadowine

7 Years Ago

thank you!! :D
Wow, powerful piece!! Amazing!

Posted 7 Years Ago


iamshadowine

7 Years Ago

thank you! :D
I saw my past and went to be with it. But it was unsettled and ran at my approach. I cried, 'Stay! Don't leave me like this!' But leave it did.

Posted 7 Years Ago


iamshadowine

7 Years Ago

Thank you!!
You're lucky. Not many people can say that....

Posted 7 Years Ago


iamshadowine

7 Years Ago

Thank you!
A good phrase to live by goes like this:

"Stop looking back at your past, you're not heading in that direction."

Posted 7 Years Ago


iamshadowine

7 Years Ago

true indeed! thank you :)

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607 Views
15 Reviews
Rating
Added on February 2, 2017
Last Updated on February 2, 2017

Author

iamshadowine
iamshadowine

India



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