Devil In Heaven

I began my journey as an angel,

Sweet and kind,

To all I behaved the same,

The only thing I wanted,

Was to shine

Shine so bright,

That the moon would carry my reflection

So high,

That I would be the attention

As I walked on my path,

I knew I’d succeed,

I knew that,

I knew I’d succeed slowly.

*STORM ARRIVES*

That was when everything changed,

A storm came between me and my path.

It was jealous,

It was cruel,

It was fate and,

It was ridiculous.

No matter how much sweet I was anymore,

No matter how much I tried to work hard,

The only thing the storm did,

Was to tear my heart apart

Slowly, I lost my brightness,

Slowly I became pale,

Gradually I lost my kindness,

And further failed

The way I entered like an angel,

Will be the same way I’ll be exiting

But the only difference would be,

I would exit like a devil from hell like heaven.

 

 

 

Reviews

[Satan]

When i released the devil from hell he smashed through the pearly gates carrying the accumulated blood of the fallen. He set fire to everything attempting to stand in his way, disintegrating every angelic wing before dousing all those pathetic greedy, neglectful angels in the ocean of blood they had allowed to form. He knew they had all sat in silence as they watched wars and poverty unfold from above. These once angels fell to the ground and now shed the blood of man. They are now guided by an ancient possessive titanic spirit, me. True Story.

[iamshadowine]

Thank you 😊

[Satan]

i love your poem btw. I'm sorry i didn't acknowledge it straight away.

[Tessah]

Holy sshi-jeeze, I meant to say jeeze, that is incredible!

[iamshadowine]

Thank you 😄

[Marcus Sergiu David]

I actually disagree with Phoebe. I really love that line, I feel that it brings a whole new dimension to this piece. But I'm not a fan of those stars. Maybe keep it in italic, but small font and no stars. Make it so that it becomes a stanza. I feel like that should make it pop well enough. Overall, I loved this one. Another great poem ^-^

Edit: Just read sansrity's review. That could work too, great idea. :)

[iamshadowine]

Thank you 😊

[sansrity sinha]

Overall a nice write except a phrase that breaks conneectivity.
Had i been you i would have replaced the phrase storm arise with a couple of lines that aid to connect both parts of the poem.
For example:
"As i moved closer to my dreams,
A harsh cruel storm, moved closer to me.
With its arrival scenarios changed,
Calm situations could'nt be regained."

U can replace "storm arrives" with these lines or anythin better.
Overall a really good poem depicting reality. :) thanks for sharing

[iamshadowine]

Thank you 😊

[M]

I don't think you should add this *STORM ARRIVES* to the poem.
I think it disrupts the flow of the poem(maybe it is just me).
But, I think you could edit it in a way which both parts could work together.

:)

[iamshadowine]

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