Devil In Heaven

I began my journey as an angel,

Sweet and kind,

To all I behaved the same,

The only thing I wanted,

Was to shine

Shine so bright,

That the moon would carry my reflection

So high,

That I would be the attention

As I walked on my path,

I knew I’d succeed,

I knew that,

I knew I’d succeed slowly.

*STORM ARRIVES*

That was when everything changed,

A storm came between me and my path.

It was jealous,

It was cruel,

It was fate and,

It was ridiculous.

No matter how much sweet I was anymore,

No matter how much I tried to work hard,

The only thing the storm did,

Was to tear my heart apart

Slowly, I lost my brightness,

Slowly I became pale,

Gradually I lost my kindness,

And further failed

The way I entered like an angel,

Will be the same way I’ll be exiting

But the only difference would be,

I would exit like a devil from hell like heaven.

 

 

 

Reviews

[andrew mitchell]

i have to agree with chrys on this one. keep writing.

[iamshadowine]

Thank you 😊

[Meshalini]

This is amazing and the plot of this poem is beautiful...
Good one..

[iamshadowine]

Thank you 😊

[Chrys Marie]

This tells a good story but it could've been written better. Nonetheless, a smooth flow and easy read. Good job!

[iamshadowine]

Thank you 😊

[PaintedBirdy]

i like the transitioning of the narrator's life. maybe angels, like humans, also discover along their journey of life that they encompass both good and bad, and even with the good intention of wanting to "shine so bright" they are still forced to see that to be fully angel they have to pass through the storm (which to me represents a rite-of-passage of growing up). to relate this to my life, i think there are these different phases in life, good, bad, good and bad, neither, just being me (that's how it went for me at least, haha). good story!

[iamshadowine]

thank you :D

[Heather]

This is beautiful. The *STORM ARRIVES* works, nut personally, I'd prefer it integrated into the first line of the second stanza. Only because it keeps it flowing. You could even put "And then everything changed", seen as you mention the storm in the line after anyway. This poem has such a strong message, I love how an everyday person is able to relate to it. My input is just that, I am not saying a change is necessary at all, merely that that would have been how I would have phrased it, We have different writing styles and I respect that highly :)

[iamshadowine]

Thank you😊

[Heather]

You are very welcome!¡ :)

[prettybretty]

ok first of all i love *STORM ARRIVES*. you can put whatever you want. it's a very impactful interlude in this piece. now i must say, though your poems literally leave me speechless, i must try....this poem is very much my own life, i love the way your works convey this pain in such brilliant, beautiful simplicity..Every line on this poem is hard-hitting!! The way you describe the sweetness and kindness and wanting to shine, then something happened and didn't know how to change despite best efforts, and fell from grace...dear Shadowine this is the best of your works i've read so far. always your fan & sorry it's taken me so long to review. love to you~

[iamshadowine]

Thank you so much 😄😄

[GalaxyGhost]

I love the transition of the poem and how it starts out very peaceful into a storm. Very nice choice of words.

[iamshadowine]

Thank you😄

[mou]

it is true...the transition from angel to devil is long dying way..description is quite realistic and practical..two part are just opposite but correlate in an amazing way..

[iamshadowine]

Thank you 😊

[Teddybearlee]

To join in on the opinion sharing of the "STORM ARRIVES"...I love it, I think it's like a new chapter in a diary, I think it adds to the writing the way you signify it...it stands out, and it's meant to. Other than that, I love the story you're telling, I'm kind of a sucker for anything talking of angels and devils though, so that may just be bias :) Great job, and nice description.

[iamshadowine]

Thank you 😊

[thaleeyaLuna]

This is nice poem, with a strong message.
But I think I would agree with Phoebe Wood on this one. However, I would suggest that you do not omit the coming of the storm but rather rephrase it into a line that would not disrupt the flow of the 1st and 2nd parts. :) Thanks for inviting me to read! :)

[iamshadowine]

Thank you 😊