Dead, Yet Alive

There's an empty space in my heart,

and it is yet to be filled,

filled with joy,

filled with love,

filled with happiness.

There's an empty heart,

filled with loneliness,

filled with abhor,

filled with abjection,

which is yet to be understood.

There's an empty space in my heart,

yet filled with grief,

filled with betrayal,

filled with apathy.

   AND

There's a dead soul,

residing my body,

filled with mixed emotions,

filled with beautiful flaws

and burnt pieces of trust

which can't be cured.

Reviews

[Elmarie]

Hi there

A sad state to be in........ the constant loop of a broken heart, mind and soul. It is a very hard crust to break through when the wounds are so deep. a Cleverly written poem about such deep emotions. One thing I do hope for is that the trust can be rekindled maybe not with the same path but with another. The secret to a happy being is the discovery of self love. Not a narcissistic rant but a truly connected soul nurturing its mind, body and heart.

Blessings

El

Small edit
residing my body, ( in my body)

[iamshadowine]

thank you!

[Elmarie]

You are welcome. Blessings to you fellow poet. :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and empty heart leads to a dead soul....undoubtedly...

[iamshadowine]

thank you! :D

[Bhumika Devkota]

This is a really good, dark and poetic poem. Well done! I really like the last three line, "filled with beautiful flaws and burnt pieces of trust which can't be cured." The poem is very beautiful and well written. I also like the title. Usually most title come out of a line from a poem. This one doesn't but it fits the poem really well. Well done again.

[iamshadowine]

thank you! :D

[AliciaB]

There are a lot of interesting paradoxes in this poem, which are centered around being "empty" yet at the same time being "filled" with various emotions, all of them quite painful. There is a bit of a hopeful tone in the first stanza - there is still the potential for this "empty space" in the speaker's heart to be filled with "joy," "love," and "happiness" - yet as the poem goes on, the tone becomes darker until reaching an emotional climax in the final stanza. "There's a dead soul, / residing in my body" - powerful words. I think you can take out the comma after "soul," but the message is gripping. "Beautiful flaws" and "burnt pieces of trust" are also intriguing. There's a lot going on inside this supposedly empty heart. Just a couple suggestions: change "abhor" to "abhorrence" ("abhor" is the verb, "abhorrence" is the noun) in the second stanza, and add an "in" after "residing" in the line "residing my body." Other than that, it looks pretty good. Great work!

[iamshadowine]

thank you!!

[alanwgraham]

Very bleak -but this is a realistic portrayal of how many people feel. There are a few points I noticed that you might consider. Have you deliberately made the opening of the second verse different - I feel they would be better the same. In verse 2 abhor (verb) should be abhorrence. I would omit the 'and' before the last verse and the second line should read 'residing in my body.'
Don't worry - I'm always missing these things in my own stuff!
You have the basis here for a good poem -well done.
Alan

[iamshadowine]

thank you! :)

[GalaxyGhost]

This is a wonderful poem! It seems to describe depression as I struggled with it and this poem describes what I went through. I would start off feeling happy and positive, but end up bombarded with negatives and reminders that made me wilt, like a piece of me died and buried with the negatives.

[iamshadowine]

thank you! :D

[H.L. Cerveise]

This is what I call a dark poem and well written. The repeat of the line, "There's an empty space in my heart..." works great in front of each stanza. In the last stanza, you have shown what an empty heart led to, a dead soul. The line, "...burnt pieces of trust," I would say is my favorite.

Well done.

[iamshadowine]

Thank you so much ^_^

[Diamond]

Incredible...this is how everyone feels when they do not get to know the purpose of their life. I always love the way how you paint the picture of despair in your poems.

[iamshadowine]

thank you so much :D

[Teja]

This is so emotional piece . Longing for love , feeling empty and lonely and mixed emotions of heart ,you conveyed these feelings nicely . Keep writing ..

[iamshadowine]

thank you! :D

[Chrys Marie]

This is very beautiful, and you can just feel the emotions strongly radiating from the words. Keep up the excellent work.

[iamshadowine]

thank you :D