ATHEIST

Tang Tang the bell rings,

Hymns that they all chant,

What is it all about?

Do they actually know the meaning of the hymns?

Do they know who he is?

Do they know that does he really exist?

The one they keep blaming,

The one they keep praising,

The one they keep worshipping.

I don't say it's wrong.

Believe in a soul,

Believe in one,

Don't be a fuss,

Don't build chaos.

Chanting wouldn't help

Worshipping wouldn't save

It's the belief in you

That'll make you brave. 

Or you must just say

That I should stay quiet

And tell me to believe the priest

But oh! I am sorry, I am merely an atheist.

Reviews

[Bear]

Critique: (Do they know that does he really exist?) Do they know that he really exist?
(Believe in a soul) An incomplete sentence, you need an identifier consider "To believe in a soul"
(Believe in one) same with this line it needs an identifier consider "Believe in the one"

Review: Nice topic and I like the way you present the concept of faith as belief in what priest say. Worship and hymns are anything but a path to heaven (if there really is one) and prayers people made like wishes leads one to question how many unfulfilled wishes does it take to open heaven's gate. Standing Ovation! Four out of five Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

[UnapologeticPoet]

Love your take on this touchy subject! Love the creativity and style of your writing!

[iamshadowine]

thank you!

[Gaia Octavia]

I really like this. You manage to take a potentially volatile subject and write a clear, concise, and inoffensive piece. From time to time I think about how comforting faith must be, but it's just not something everybody has. Well done!

[iamshadowine]

thank you so much! :D

[Jesse W.]

I've never been an atheist, I can't even imagine it. This one was hard for me, so very hard for me to try to understand. I got the sensation of doubt from it, doubt in God, and that I can understand cause I have in the past. But to just not believe...that's outside my scope. Even so, I appreciate your work and the effort you put into it. It is well done.

[Lyn Anderson]

I love the direct nature of this piece, without being offensive, at least, not to open minded people.

[iamshadowine]

thank you!!

[antidarkness]

Love the originality and the purpose of this piece. You are truly talented and very passionate, and I really adore that. Keep up the great work!

[iamshadowine]

thank you so much :D

[Perplexation]

The subjects and ideals that everyone develops are each to their own.
Spread your opinion and creativity, it is your voice, not anyone elses.

Keep doing what you're doing.

[iamshadowine]

thank you so much for your motivational words! :D

[WastedTime]

Tsk...

I'm an atheist... you're doing it wrong.

There is no conflict... less you make one.

Time is bearing out everything, it's clear, rational minds are winning... atheist's have no need to be angry.

Ego creates problems like this - manufactured conflict.... that is the terror based ideology.

This poem is written wonderful; though you message is weak and conflicting.


What you and I seek is likely not to happen in our lifetimes.... approach it that way, you'll have a better message.

[Maya.S]

Hello Shadowine!

I thought this was a beautiful poem. It was thought provoking and offered well constructed imagery. You have certainly taken your time creating this piece! However, my constructive criticism that I offer to you, is to be weary of your grammar and the organization of your verses. For example you write:
"Chanting wouldn't help
Worshipping wouldn't save
It's the belief in you
That'll make you brave."
This verse alone uses a fantastic rhyming scheme and portrays your ideas very well, but I suggest adding punctuation so that it does not break the rhythm of your poem. I would have separated this and made it into two sentences, along with adding "and" as your conjunction. That way it can run smoothly.
Revision:
"Chanting wouldn't help,
And worshipping wouldn't save.
It's the belief in you,
That'll make you brave."

That is my edit for you, I hope it helps! Overall keep writing and great work! :)

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

Well, though I am not an atheist, but I agree with you points. Religion has become a sort of business these days. In India, the best way to earn money is to mug up a few hymns, a few mantras and become a priest. There are two types of God- one who made us and the other whom we made for increasing the weight of our pocket. Love your poem. Keep writing.