I'm torn

The door is closed,

I am worn,

There's nothing to heal me,

Oh, feel me

Can you see the sun shining?

It's not giving me warmth,

How can you be smiling?

While I am torn

You smile could heal me,

But it's nowhere to be seen,

In the rush of city,

It's not a pleasant scene

I see you smiling at me,

The charm takes me over,

I can return a smile,

But what to do,

You don't see the pain in my eyes,

You don't hear my heart shattering,

So heal me,

While you smile at me,

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

A smile from a certain person has the ability to transform sadness, make things better. Smiles can certainly aid healing. A tale perhaps of unrequited love or someone playing hard to get. On the whole a sad little poem, conveying heartache and sadness to the reader.

Chris

[Markus Anthony]

Oh yess,a smile is a uniquely powerful tool that can brighten someone's day or sometimes really cause sadness because you're not the exact reason for its occurence. I love the subtlety of your words, that ring of admiration for a special someone while you search for healing from that someone. x

[wordman]

a smile sometimes sets off a spark,then love can grow

[Onlyme]

Broken inside is never easy to fix. A smile helps from someone. But you're still hurt and alone inside. I could feel your pain and dispair.

[Najam Us Saher]

I wish this was a bit longer. You made me feel lost in your passionate words that swung between love and longing. I truly liked this one, the rhyme and rhythm is perfect.

[barleygirl]

This is a realistic pleading message of longing. I like the way you use imaginative ways to show instead of tell (first rule of good writing) -- for example: "sun is not giving warmth" . . . "rush of the city is not pleasant" . . . in future writing, you could find fresh new ways to show feelings instead of using the old familiar phrases like: "pain in my eyes" . . . a little change like "stabbing my eyes" could make this sound more original & dynamic (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie