Meditation on Understanding and Memory

A Story by Big K

A meditation on how remembering your life's purpose

You sit with your eyes closed. A being appears before you.

“What would you like to ask?” they ask you.

“Why are we alive?”

“We are alive because we want to be alive.”

“I mean, what’s the purpose.”

“To live.”

You sit confused. “Why does that sound so simple? It doesn’t feel like its big enough.”

“It’s only simple if you think it is.”

“So it’s really complicated?”

“Only if you think it.”

“So the whole purpose of our creation is to live?”

“That’s right.”

“This isn’t the answer I was looking for.”

“Doesn’t it feel like you know the purpose, but you somehow forgot it while you were living? Just remember.”

“Yeah it does. I know for sure that there is a purpose, but how do I remember?”

“How do you think?”

“Mostly it just happens spontaneously, but with order. I don’t really know though. I just think. Words are formed into sentences by the voice in my head. Much like how I am talking right now. But what does that have to do with my memory?”

“That will get answered in a little bit. How do babies think?”

“I don’t know. They don’t think in words, I know that. Maybe they think in pictures and sounds and whatnot.” you reply, really trying to figure out how babies would think.

“They don’t think.”

“They don’t?”

“Yeah”

“Well how do they function? How do they learn? How do they grow?”

“They understand.”

“What does that mean?”

“What happens when you understand something?”

“I don’t know. I just get whatever it is I am trying to understand.”

“When you are thinking of a particularly difficult problem, isn’t there that one “aha” moment that comes to you when you fully understand and find the solution? But your mind then starts to think. It puts that understanding into symbols. It turns that ‘aha’ moment into words.”

“Oh I get it. So babies just have continuous moments of ‘aha’ moments that they do not put into words until they start learning their language. That’s why babies learn so fast isn’t it? Because they are in a continuous state of understanding.”

“Yeah, babies are something special.”

“If we could learn so fast just by being in a state of understanding, why did we create language which has led to our insufficient use of our brains by thinking? “

“It is only insufficient if you make your thinking insufficient. There are many traps when it comes to thinking, but could you imagine how you would be if you knew no words?”

“Yeah. I would be like a baby.”

“Would you rather know words and think or be a baby?”

“I would remain as I am.”

“So there is nothing insufficient about thinking. One of the traps of thinking is thinking that thinking comes before understanding.”

“Huh?”

“Imagine that the whole human history is a life span. In our childhood, we had no words. We only understood. Because we understood more than other animals, we created language. Through our understanding we created words. How do we use words?” they ask you.

“We use them to communicate with each other. To share our ideas and our self’s. What does this have to do with remembering though?”

“Patience. What power do words have?”

“They have the power to make other people understand you.”

“But are words inherently the essence you are understanding?”

“No. They are just sounds we make that make other people understand. So it’s us who have the power to understand and words are just symbols to show us the way to this understanding.”

“Now you’re getting it. How many words do you know?”

“I don’t know. A lot.”

“Where are they kept?”

“In my memory.”

“What does that really mean? Words in your memory?”

“It means there is understanding in my memory.”

“Yes. All the things that you have ever understood and all that you will ever understand are within your memory.”

You get a little confused. “So you’re saying that I know everything that I could ever understand in my memory?”

“Yeah. You just can’t access all of it. Think back to my earlier explanation. What is that ‘aha’ moment?”

“It’s my moment of understanding.”

“Yes. How does that moment feel?”

“I don’t know. It feels like understanding.” you reply, not quite being able to put into words the feeling.

“Let’s go back to remembering. When you are trying to remember something for a while, and you remember it, how does it feel?”

Your eye brows arch up as you say “It feels like an ‘aha’ moment”

“Yes. They both feel like ‘aha’ moments.” They say and sit their patiently.

“So you’re saying that understanding and remembering are both the same things?”

“I am saying they feel the same.”

“So words were created to help us understand?” you ask, even though you already know the answer.

“Yes. Whatever you are capable of understanding, including those thing you don’t currently understand, but will understand as time goes by, you know already. Words were created to help us have those ‘aha’ moments. Depending on how you look at it, words were created to help us remember what we knew or to help us understand and know what we thought we didn’t know.”

“So either we know everything already, but have forgotten it all and are being reminded of what we knew through words, and by definition thinking, or we are understanding something new for the first time. Both being characterized by ‘aha’ moments.”

“Yes. But do not limit ‘aha’ moments to big moments where you actually say ‘aha’. ‘Aha’ moments are moments of understanding, no matter how small.”

“Is this what you meant when you said I had forgotten the purpose of life? That I already know it inside, but I somehow forgot it?”

“Yes. The outside you, the being you think you are, has forgotten. But the inside you, the real you, knows it.”

“So you are saying I should ask myself what the purpose of life is?”

“Yes. But the trick with it is trying to turn that understanding into words. Do not think the answer. Feel it.”

“Ok, ill meditate on that later. Can you tell me how I could become better at remembering? If I already know everything and if I could just remember everything, then I would be much better off.”

“Remember.”

“That’s it? Tell me HOW”

“You tell me how.” They say.

“I don’t know, that’s why I asked you.”

“Think about it. Ask yourself.”

“My inner self?”

“Yeah.”

“Why can’t I ask you?”

“Because I can’t answer it for you. Let me ask you this though, do you trust the inner you?”

“Yes I trust myself. What type of question is that?”

“One that you need to answer.” They say as they smile. “This is a good place to stop. Ill be back when you need me again.”

They disappear.