Rainbow lies

just a piece of writing exploring the morality of lying and its consequences

Rainbow lies

There are white lies and black lies and many shades of grey lies. There are lies told out of kindness, lies to spare pain but then there are also lies that cause havoc on this perception, that eat away at the soul, convincing it that what is truly a monstrous lie can be twisted forming its own definition of lying as something admirable as if it’s now heroic to lie. 

There are good drugs and bad drugs, drugs that heal the body and those that destroy it.  

Once taken, and punishment is escaped the behaviour is compelling. This addictive drug is diluted such as a prescription drug addict is compared to a heroin addict; both are addicts by definition but through the human lens one will always appear better than the other, one will always be excused much like the concept of lying. The white lie always gets away with Murder. The white lie is internally applauded. The white lie eases the burden on our conscience, medicating the disparaging hole the real lie leaves. But it is this white lie that masquerades a much darker lie… and that is the lie that we tell to ourselves.  

 

What happens when we become the lies we tell? Then poses the question on the authenticity of the lie now being told. Do we continue to lie just at a greater standard or are we now telling the truth; a distorted truth. But I guess a lie is a lie as long as the root of the lie is fed then the facade is withheld. Much like glue, once the lie is told the individual becomes bound to it, a ball and chain would be easier to escape because once a lie is told it spreads and multiplies rapidly like a disease. This intoxication must be enslaving thus birthing the compulsive liar. 

I find it harsh to cast myself as a compulsive liar yet, I hold all the ingredients necessary. These aren’t white lies, black lies, grey lies or any one particular coloured lie but, every coloured lie. These rainbow lies have me isolated in my own head, held captive by the truth. It is the only place in which I’m able to slip up. The dungeon has become domesticated over my 9 year sentence, although I have escaped once it was deeply regretted and so, ashamed I limped back willingly. Who knew an individual could experience homesickness from a place in which contradicts the characterisation of a home. I feel vulnerability when not trapped inside… and this is why I am incapable of telling the truth. 

If you focus so much on what you should feel, you never really know what you do feel. This is the consequence of lying to yourself all your life. You become an ideal. It’s like an out of body experience almost as if you are an observer, a third party, a spectator watching your character from the side wing. When you slip out of this character and give in to temptation it’s like staring at the sun, you know you shouldn’t… and it’s dangerous, but you can’t help but look. 

Writing is rewriting they say, however living, living cannot be repeated. We are given one opportunity to live. These words can be erased whereas, in life we continue but are just left with regret. I wouldn’t really call this poetry but then again it is honesty, which would be more controversial for me to exclaim

and this is where I’d like to apologise to “you”. I had convinced myself my reality would always be a fantasy, a constant yearning for an unobtainable illusion. I poisoned the earth’s soil with buried desire. This cursed every present and potential interaction as only ever being temporary. You didn’t stand a chance. Fantasies should be concealed in the storytelling book, but when you’re not given an option to grow up correctly it’s difficult to let go of that childhood cognition, however, I am ready now.          

These lies have gone too far. What was once protecting and comforting, is corrupt. Their existence now hypocritical in safeguarding and so, further service would appear immoral. I allowed them to disguise my actuality in which I was too afraid to accept as the truth. However, ironically I speak here a victim of myself, for it was my own disregard to who I am that lured me into his arms. It wasn’t being forced to do things by him that ashames me most yet, forcing myself to continuously argue it was what I deserved. I have all this to say now yet at the time I lay silent, an action which necessitated this confrontation with myself. The only sound correlated to this occurrence is my crying. A weak, faint almost pathetic crying, when water fills the eyes escaping down ur face but no noise flees from the mouth. My body gave in, hypnotised by the lies it was so used to hearing. Later it would repent this decision to believe the lies as the bruising of its skin perfectly illustrated its embarrassment. 

I’m still not quite sure what happened that night or how it happened but I know it did happen. Speaking in riddles like this best describes the event, at first I blamed the person who left me in that situation but the only person at fault right now is myself. I’m must start taking responsibility and so not only am I apologising to “you” and myself but everyone. I am a lucky one, my uncertainty is over now as the red ocean’s tide comes in. venus’s moons were anticipated to circulate yet arrived later than expected. I can finally breathe. As for the lies, they will never stop, they were never supposed to end. The lesson to be learnt here was that you mustn’t lie to the liar. Never accept ur own lies as the truth. At least be honest to yourself. 

Reviews

[KurKota]

A very thought provoking, effective writing. A sense of very personal, deep seated feelings being expressed, that in some manner is very personal, yet applicable universally.
I particularly was caught by the sentence "If you focus so much on what you should feel, you never really know what you do feel." Powerful perspective, powerfully stated. A memorable phrase....very applicable to many, many of us.
This appears to me as being a writing representing a very personal, dramatic story within your life. It seems it is a "healing" piece. If this is accurate, I hope it indeed was helpful for you.
It is definitely helpful to the aware reader. Good fortune to you in your future.