Scarlet Lake

Where petals of violet liter your in wake.

There you lay in Scarlet Lake

where petals of violet liter in your wake.

I stand in grey disbelief

and drop to my knees with black disconceit.

I stare at you emerged in lilac leaden water

floating in a state of sinking glaucous departure.

The water shimmers crimson ink around your figure

as a jade breeze flows about the bushes and the trees.

I take the object which ended your vermilion release

pulling the lever to begin my cardinal decease.

The water shimmers crimson ink around my figure

as a jade breeze flows about the bushes and the trees.

I stare at myself emerged in lilac leaden water

floating in a state of sinking glaucous departure.

I plummet in grey disbelief

and sink into the pool with black disconceit.

There I lay in Scarlet Lake

where petals of violet liter in my wake.

 

 

Author's Note

I'm not a poetry kind of person but here's my attempt. Any kind of criticism will be much appreciated (good or bad).

Reviews

[dan]

Gabriel, You sent a friend request so I came in friendship to contribute a review. Your use of the multi-couplet format is a good set-up for this write and works well. Just one small criticism. Always when writing any genre one should be a stickler for the details. That means spelling, grammar and punctuation. You have a few misspellings in this piece; nothing egregious but noticeable. I am gladly accepting your friend request. You may wish to send me read requests; I sometimes have a hard time keeping up with my reviewing obligations with my friends. take care...dan

[Gabriel B. Burns]

I've noticed some myself and unfortunately I've always taken a failure towards the direction of the grammar department. I'll look for more of the errors and edit them. Thanks Dan for the review, It's really appreciated!

[costa siwale]

Incredible! my friend. its the way you neat the words together in short but intense descriptions that caught my imagination.
scarlet lake
jade breeze
lilac waters

Its a well penned piece. Thumbs ups