PROLOGUE (EDITED)

December 15, 2009

NAIA International Airport

   Almost all years of my life were spent closely with my family here in the Philippines. As I remember, the longest time that I haven't been with them lasted for just a week due to a summer outing with my fellow colleague. Within those few days, I received daily texts and calls from them. They've never failed to let me feel loved. Even with the age of 23, my parents still treated me as a child. Giving me all that I wanted and supporting me all the way with my decisions. That is why it is very hard for me to live away from them.

 I could clearly remember every single detail that had happened last night during our supper.

 The dining room was small yet well-decorated. A picture of The Last Supper hangs on a wall at the center of the room. The rectangular table and chairs are made of wood. The silverware and plates were in their proper position at all times. This room is like an amusement park especially if everyone was present during meals. Laughter and sharing of stories are always heard.

 However, the room was not at its usual state last night.

  Mom began reminiscing and told my sisters, “I can still remember how your ate Sophia (older sister, pronounced “ah-te”) looked like before. She's a thin little girl with a long hair who used to play a lot", Mom told everyone. "You are very active and naughty. You're like one of the boys. I never remembered a day without scolding you for going home late. Those days.. ", Mom added while the tears run down her eyes.

 ”But look at you now. You've grown into a lady. Your hair wasn't a mess anymore. You've cut it the way you want people to know you. Too long to be considered sexy and girly yet short enough to tell you’re smart enough to be mishandled “, Dad answered while holding his tears back.

  Dad was the strongest person in the family. He was never seen crying nor asked for any help.

  Everyone was silent. Nobody wants to say anything anymore. Tears were flooding in everyone's eyes as we finished our meal.

 And then I was back to reality. It was really cold here inside. I grabbed on the jacket. It was a red thick jacket that Dad had given me awhile ago.

 ”Sophie, take this jacket with you. I used to wear it in Kabul. It may look too big for you yet this will warm you up really well. Take care ate. We will surely miss you. Our house will never be the same without you ", Dad said while wrapping the jacket around me, giving me the hug that I will never forget, the hug that I rarely receive. I was sobbing. He too hadn't controlled his tears anymore. Then, without saying a word, I waved goodbye to everyone. I tried my best to smile, forcing myself to look as if everything’s okay. I then turned away from them and entered this very wide door.

  That was the saddest moment of my life. I could feel my heart breaking apart. Until now, I am crying. I could see lots of people passing by yet I don't care.

 I was on the verge of thinking twice to get up and go home instead. So I grabbed on this rosary that Mom had given me earlier. Took a deep breathe, closed my eyes and pray.

 I could feel God was answering every question in my mind. I have to go on and be strong. Besides, I am doing this to earn money for my family. I still have two sisters who are not yet finished with their study.

 And not only have that, I already had a new job waiting as front desk officer and a temporary apartment that the company had provided. The payment will then be deducted from my salary though.

  Opportunity comes once; therefore I have to grab it. I took another deep breathe and smiled.

“Calling all passengers of flight AC8914 bound for Canada. Please be ready for boarding".

Author's Note

HELLO THERE. I have just edited my prologue.
Feel free to add suggestions and comments.

By the way, thanks to those who have given their time to read and give suggestions. Without you guys, I could have not edited this. :) Take care.

Reviews

[SpokenWord]

The prologue answers how she got the apartment and that she went there for a job :) This reminded me of how it felt when I went away to college. My mom tried her best to be strong but when it was time for her and my dad to drive back home she finally started to cry and seeing that made me cry. It was sad even though it was a new beginning, a new world for me to explore. I can't imagine moving to a new country all together it would be exciting and yet scary all at the same time.

I have more questions now :)

Her job is at a hotel and her position is clerical if I remember correctly. Why would her job pay for her apartment and bring her to their country for this position? What is her special skill that would warrant such treatment?

I am not much of an editor but there are great people here who can help with that part. I think over all this is great and matches the story well. Besides that one question I ask that is the only hole in the story I see. As I read I will be wondering about that question I asked.

It is good you continuing this story please let me know when the next chapter is installed.

[iamcarolfierce]

Hello everyone. I find it really hard to continue my story due to some reasons but I'll try hard to write back again and continue what I've started. Thank you for all your help especially for the motivation.

I love you guys!

[kaylynnmelody♥]

thank you so much for the read request i will have to read the other chapters. i think i have read one or two of them. i need to peice this great story together one of these days! lol.

[mir]

Nice job on the editing! Looking forward to reading chapter 4, soon---thanks for read request.

[Brian Kraklau]

i love it keep it up

[Worms]

this is a great job in describing the start of you other chapters
great job keep up the good writing

[KAREN]

Good read! It's hard to go out in the world on your own, but with loving parents like you have you'll make it!

[mir]

Outstanding introduction (Prologue)! After reading Ch's. 1-3 beforehand, the question of why young Sophia was suddenly in Canada, without a job, and living alone in her own home was answered in the last few paragraphs of your prologue---great job! You also explained her reason for going. I love your closing line announcing the preparation of Sophia's flight departure to Canada!

You've clearly expressed Sophia’s close relationship with her family (and you did a good job at it!), whom she’s leaving behind in her country---but what country? Maybe, you should reference the name of Sophia’s country in the first line of your opening sentence:
“ . . . with my family in the Philippines,” or mention it elsewhere. Readers are going to want to know where Sophia is coming from.

Good reference to Sophia’s age.

Suggestion: Somewhere, mention a date with the year, or a day of the week that Sophia departs her country. This helps readers relate to the time period you want them to know about.

Make this sentence more clear: (From) The Last Supper hangs at the center of the room.
(To) A picture of The Last Supper hangs on a wall at the center of the room.

Make this sentence more clear: (From) " I could still remember how your ate(older sister) Sophia looked like before . . .”
(To) Mom began reminiscing and told my sisters, “I can still remember how your ate Sophia (older sister, pronounced “ah-te”) looked before . . .”

Add “new” to this sentence: (From) And not only that, I already have a job waiting . . .
(To) And not only that, I already have a new job waiting . . .


Lastly, the bulk of this prologue is great; however, it does need editing (punctuations, spellings, sentence structures, word choices, and so forth---but, this is the easy part with help from WC friends!). I recommend editing after you finish completing each chapter, so you don’t get distracted and lose your thought during your creative writing. Since this is the completed prologue, you should edit it now until you get it JUST RIGHT. If you do this, you can use the correct grammar usages in your prologue as examples for completing your novel.

Great job and good luck!

[Stef Outsiders]

You're off to a good start... It is hard for any child to leave the nest and I felt that so you're making a connection with the readers... its good!

[iamcarolfierce]

Hey there. This is my first novel so I really dont' know if it's that good. Anyway , feel free to review my work. Tell me anything you want, anything, as long as it would help me write better. :)