A Show

A poem about a very painful, confusing connection. Has a lot of parallels with the song "It Was a S*** Show" from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend/Rachel Bloom.

My chest still catches fire
and it still aches, too
I'd be a damn filthy liar
if I said I didn't still love you

I still have your fork
and you still have my game
but that's as close as we got
since your heart was far away

Loving you was never easy
and it wasn't always fun,
but I partook eagerly,
knowing you're a special one

Like we were polar opposites
yet somehow the same
You've traits I love and I hate
and you drove me both kinds of insane

I always wanted to help you
and perhaps I lacked a spine,
I had my own matters to tend,
but always gave you time

Like my minutes were pennies,
you didn't seem to value them
You'd drop them here and there
and I'd find myself penniless

Our chance still feels
like a cut-down youth
So much to look forward to,
but somehow over too soon

In another timeline,
there's a you and me,
but it happens in a place
that my eyes can't see

I've come to some terms,
but I still ask why
Why did I find something so amazing, so great,
but never get to try?

I've asked in my unrest
Why, God?-Why, Universe?-Why, Sky?
I might not be the best,
but I'm not an evil guy

I say all these things
and I mean them, too,
but if I saw you on the horizon,
I wouldn't run to you

Things have been messy
to say it politely
My love deepened quickly,
but you took me lightly

Part of me still wants you
Part of me wants you gone
Part of me is indifferent,
and part of me still longs

Please know that I love you
I do, I do
I'm just not sure I have the strength
for the baggage that comes with you

Author's Note

Opinions welcome. Yes, I did put some of the lyrics to "It Was a S*** Show" in the tags.