Playing House

Feeling stuck and feeling foolish.

I don't know if it was foolish to want
to be there for you and a part of your life
It wasn't that long ago, but now I'm haunted
I wanted to do chores with you, but you're not my wife
Maybe any old name will do for cooking and cleaning
Maybe it didn't have to be you, but now I wonder
if my love for you ever had any meaning
Is it just like a young fool to do what I did
and go about it all that way?
Is the whole thing just a game I'm too
young and dumb to play?
Questions, confusion, and the sound of silence
wrack my brain
There is pain, shame, and guilt
when what I asked for
was to sit on a quilt and eat some food
It's so hard to know what to do
or what I should think
or how I should act
when I'm around you
It's been so long and yet not long enough
All things considered, nothing torturous,
but the whole of it feels impossibly tough
Is it some kind of crime to want to cook
to clean
to care for you
to feel like I provide
something
and by extension
like a diffeent kind of man?

Author's Note

opinions welcome