scarred

An unexpected sequel to my previous poem, "Nude." I wrote this after a painful shock.

I want to bag my head
so I can hide my face
I just want to burrow
and hide from the shame

I thought things were well
Now it doesn't seem so
Thinking about this is Hell
and I no longer know

If I'm strong enough
to go and face you
I just feel so rough
and don't know what to do

This sore hurts when it's poked
I can't hear my own heart
and it feels like it's being choked
Now being near is just as bad as apart

I can't say this is unfair
I'm a bit mad, but mostly broken
I want to believe it's a nightmare;
it's one from which I haven't woken

Sleep won't relieve this part of me
Something within is so exhausted
And now by my own brain
my heart is accosted

There's some itch or ache
that I just can't reach
Wondering if it was fake
is still gnawing at me

I fear people asking about it
because I don't want to explain
They don't know I've fallen to bits
or that I'm feeling pain

I need my poker face back
and I need my composure
No one needs to know I'm scared
or that my heart's faced a bulldozer

Author's Note

opinions welcome