The Other Girl

The introduction

I'm done. Honestly.
Since I, too roughly, too cowardly and too clumsily went about in my previous relationship and ended it the same way, it seems the Date Gods are punishing me. I don't think I'm made for relationships.
Take the next occasion: I went for a nice dance in a nightclub and the walking and talking beauty around me didn't go past me, although I wasn't actively persueing it. I saw a pair of wonderful blue eyes close by, put myself out there and had a very pleasant evening afterwards. Later he offered me a lift home, though we made a detour and ended up at his. A gamble. A risk. Something I didn't worry about at the time.
To make a long story short, I had a good time. He was affectionate, not in the obscure sense of the word, but just nice. I went home feeling in a way that I hadn't felt for a long time.

And then I heard nothing. I thought to myself he was just a fling, but somewhere deep inside it bothered me. We did have a nice night, didn't we? We had laughed and talked, and there had been no morning-akwardness, so what was the problem? Had I become a cliché example of girl-who-waits-by-the-phone? But no, I received a text about three days later, saying: it might be better if we don't see each other, at least for a little while. I've a girlfriend, cheated on her with you and we're fighting big time right now.

Oh. Right.

The idle hope crushed to pieces. The hunger for more of this kind of attention temporarily stilled. If he does this to his girlfriend, then I just lost my interest. Too bad still, he had showed me his art and I loved it. I would love to see more, but I have my pride.

This is but a fraction of the missed chances, uncomfortable moments and painful mistakes. I should start trying again.

Now don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with my self image; I know I'm not the Next Top Model, however, I am fairly pretty and do turn heads now and again. I can look at myself in the mirror and say: you look good today. So whence comes my problem from? I can't seem to find a right guy; there's plenty of the nice ones, the good looking ones, the I-will-take-care-of-you-forever-guy, but not a guy that I can keep. I either lose interest way too fast, or don't get them at all. Like I have read too many times on the self-help websites, I'm not alone in this... But all I can do is stamp my feet and tell people it's not fair. It's not fair! So what is it?

Many a male friend has tried to explain this to me, yet I have not grasped the idea yet. I seem to radiate the 'come and get me if you dare' attitude, and apparently that scares men. I don't understand this; if I don't realise I'm doing it, and feeling more as if I'm screaming to the world: "I'm desperate, throw me anything, please!", how can I change it?

So here's the deal: I'm on a quest to find myself a guy. A loving, handsome, caring, romantic, intelligent, tall, dark, sexy guy. Well, at least a guy. We'll see. Here's the story of Unraveling the Date Gods.

Author's Note

Check spelling please! This is the first version, I am still working on a better flow in the chapter =)