Many years together we have. We are young and have
our whole life together. Maybe when we’re older, let’s say eighteen and
twenty-one, we’ll take a road trip to wherever. We’ll point the car to the east
and see where the road takes us. Take the back roads in places we’ve never been
and sleep under the stars. Then in the morning we’ll run in the hills, splash
in the running rivers, find shapes in the clouds. We’ll find the road again and
stop by small shops. We’ll find the craziest things and not care since we’re
together. Then, maybe when we arrive back home, we’ll finish our school and
start our careers, but we won’t let the love die. We won’t let it grow dull.
We’ll take another road trip, but this time we’ll point the car west. We’ll get
half way there before we run out of gas. Hike for miles, have a few fights on
the way, before finding a gas station and hiking on back. We’ll reach the Grand
Canyon, maybe, possibly, yell, “I love you!” as loud as we can. Then, maybe if
my luck is going good, you’ll turn to me with a smile on your face and say a
simple question, “Will you marry me?” My eyes will light up and I’ll jump in
your arms, telling you, “Yes.” Seriously, why would I not? We’ll continue to
drive until we reach the state of Washington, swim in the Pacific, maybe go
cliff diving. We’ll drive on back home, go to work and make some money. We
won’t let it go dull. We’ll have fun when we’re home. Playing board games,
Twister, maybe I Spy.
A few years will go by, now we’re twenty-two and
twenty-five. We’ll decide to go to Australia and swim in the Great Barrier
Reef. We’ll get married on the coast and the birds will sing. We’ll have a
simple wedding, just us. Even though our families won’t approve, we’ll love
through it all. We’ll go on back home and face the family. Tell them we’re
married, smile, and kiss. Some will leave, bitter and cold. Others will stay,
congrats, and hugs. To my surprise, my father will stay. Give me a hug and
shake your hand. His long time hatred of you, from me being fifteen now to
twenty-two, will disperse. He’ll give you a hug, tell you, “Keep her safe,"
then leave. I’ll smile to you. We’ll leave to our home. Months will pass, a
missed period will arrive. With joy in our eyes, I'll take the test, a little
plus sign will show itself. We’ll be filled with joy and leave to the doctors,
an ultrasound showing it’s not one; it’s twins. I’ll look to you, eyes wide,
and you’ll smile at me. We’ll go on home and tell the folks. They’ll jump with
joy and make baby shower plans. We’ll look to one; another a vacation soon
comes. We’ll point the car north this time. We’ll enjoy the scenery of the
mountains, the smell of the trees. We’ll stay for weeks before coming home.
We’ll settle down, find us a house, months will go buy, parties will go, and
babies will come.
Years will go by, now thirty-five and
thirty-eight, kids now teens. We’ll point the car south for a family road trip.
The beach will be warm; we’ll go swimming. We may have aged, but our love is
still young. Years will fly by; before we know it, they’re grown. Our kids, no
parents, on road trips of their own. Once teens crazy in love, once young adults
crazy in love, once middle-aged crazy in love now senior citizens still crazy
in love. Now in our sixties our love is still strong. Our future together is
bright and full of adventure. My future is with you and I couldn’t see it any
other way.
I loved how the characters aged you tell the story really well as if its your own story and future lol (great idea) really liked this keep on writing your great love your work
Pros: Ah, I wish I was this optimistic still. I liked how you told a story by their age, advancing it every handful of sentences once the scene was told for that segment of their life. And you tell the story well; I can see it happening, envision this little happy couple you have created.
Cons: I'd suggest copying this into Microsoft Word or something like it and fixing all these grammar/spelling errors. Read through it and pick them out. Little things like wrong words, punctuation not inside the quotes. Also, I'd suggest breaking it into paragraphs, perhaps by age? And, this is just the pessimist in me (not to mention the sorrow/bitterness of just getting out of a happy relationship), but don't make everything sunshine and rainbows. We all know not everything will go right in life, so why make it go right in a story? Sure, it's fiction, but halfway through I wanted to smack the couple and tell them to stop being so darn happy. But that's just me.
Overall: You did a good job here for it being a short story. I fairly enjoyed it.
Ok first of all, I'm from Washington State so I enjoyed that destination in your story lol. Anyway on the the review, it was awesome! I loved it and how its about not letting the love die. That happens so often and I think it's important for people to have a fun love. So I think you writing about it is great! I loved the images you showed and the way everything was described, beautiful little story!