Chapter Three: Harder Than I Thought

I woke up many times that night. I woke up screaming and crying. May ran in every time and stayed until I was asleep. I stared at the ceiling. I was sweating. I couldn’t believe why I had, had such a horrible night. I had been adopted. That was what I had waited my whole life for and yet I was screaming and crying. I just couldn’t get what my problem was. I heard a quiet knock on my room and then it quietly opened. May walked in sitting on the edge of my bed. “Hey Brennan. You okay?” she asked me. I sat up leaning up against the headboard. “Better.” I said with a smile. “I don’t know why I had such a rough night.” I frowned and she just smiled sweetly at me. “I figured you would. After all you’ve had a very rough life Brennan. I knew you would have a hard time. It’ll get better. Just have to adjust,” she smiled getting up. She was always so happy. I had always wondered how she could always be so happy. “You hungry?” she asked me walking to the door. I nodded. “I’m just going to take a quick shower and I’ll be right down.” I got up walking to my new bathroom. The tile was cool under my feet. I walked over to the shower starting the water. It would take it a minute to warm up so I walked out to my dresser and after a minute or so of searching I found my boxers and some black basketball shorts. I walked back into the bathroom, steam already starting to fog the mirror. I sat my clothes on the counter and made a few adjustments to the water. I threw my dirty clothes in a hamper that I saw by the door before hopping into the shower. The warm water hit my best instantly waking me up. As I washed my hair I started to think about the home and my mothers house. When I was with my mother I would have to take cold showers because there was no warm water. At the home I only had ten minutes to take a shower because there were so many of us. I knew I had all the time in the world here, but I was so wired to take fast showers that I couldn’t help it. I finished my shower in minutes stepping out and quickly drying off. I put my clean clothes on and walked down stairs. “That was quick.” May said smiling at me. “Force of habit. I’m wired to take fast showers.” I smiled back at her and sitting down at the bar. “Well anytime you want to take a long shower feel free to,” she turned back to the bacon that she was cooking. She seemed so cool about everything like nothing could bother her. I wondered why she even picked me. There were so many kids there and she picks me out of all of them. Could it be because she saw me grow up? I don’t even know. I’m sure one day I’ll have the guts to ask her. She sat my food in from of me a few minutes later and I started to eat. I’d never tasted something so good. My mother had never cooked much. It was usually all take out or restaurants. This was hand made food that took time and energy. I smiled as I ate. “This is really great May.” I said looking up at her and giving her thumbs up. “Well I’m glad,” she said smiling at me. I ate everything on my plate leaving no crumbs. My stomach rumbled in satisfaction. I looked over to May ruffling my hair a bit. “So what are we going to do today?” I asked her. Being in this new home made me wonder of what to do. “Well today is your graduation so you will be going to graduation,” she smiled to me leaving the room for a minute. I didn’t know how that was possible. How could I graduate? I didn’t have a gown or cap and I didn’t even go to school for a day. How could I? May then came around the corner holding a blue gown and cap. She had the biggest smile on her face. I smiled at her getting up and hugging her. I frowned as I hugged her. What was I going to do with a high school diploma? I wasn’t a college kid. I couldn’t stay in college. I just didn’t have the brains for it. I lived my entire life in a home. I graduated barely. I just didn’t have the heart for success. I never had and I never would. I sighed letting her go and starting up the stairs. “I’ll be in my room.” I said quietly not looking back. I walked to my room closes the door behind me. I leaned against the door for a minute and just thought. She’d bought me my cap and gown. She’d given me a home and finally a family. Why did I still have the feelings she was going to leave? Just like everyone else left me. I slid down the door sitting down. I pulled my knees up laying my head on my knees. I still thought that any minute I would wake up and I’d be on the street. There was no going back to the home. My next stop was the streets. I wouldn’t make it out there. Before I knew it I was actually crying. I wasn’t crying loudly, growing up in a home where emotions were not expressed loudly would do that do you. Kids at the home had mastered the art of quiet sobs. Sure we laughed loudly, but when it came to crying they were almost inaudible. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and ran quietly to my bed, lying down. Minutes later there was a light knock on my door. “Come in.” I said rolling over on my stomach. “Are you okay Brennan?” I heard May’s soft voice say. I could tell that she was worried about me. “Yeah I’m fine May. Adjusting is just a lot harder than I thought it would be.” I said quietly. May sat down on my bed and started to rub my back. “I know it’s hard Brennan. How about I get you into therapy? Maybe that might help you a bit?” she asked continuing to rub my back. “I guess so. If you think it’ll help any.” I replied to her. I felt her rise off my bed. “I’ll go call them now see if I can get you an appointment.” She sounded a bit more cheerful now. I heard my door close quietly as her footsteps faded as she got farther away. I let out a sigh getting up and going to my window. I looked outside seeing my new world for the first time. Two story houses, with perfectly green and cut lawns, children laughing and playing, and beautiful lives.” Everything looked so perfect around here. Who knew what would happen to me. I sure didn’t. I came from a broken home and a broken life. I was broken. This place was perfect. Not for the broken yet I was brought into this place. For being given this second chance I was truly grateful to May. If she could help me feel alive, if she could help put me back together I knew nothing could stop me. You know adjusting to my new life is a lot harder than I thought. I thought I’d move in and just be perfectly fine. It’s a lot better than where I came from, why was I still nervous? As I looked out my window I saw this group of four girls walking up our walkway to the house. I hadn’t seen them before, not even at school. They soon walked out of sight and I heard the doorbell ring. I moved from my window opening my door to listen. “Hello girls. Can I help you?” I heard May’s voice ask them. It seemed she was just surprised as I was. “Oh hello Ms. Adams. We heard that you adopted a son.” They sounded like airheads to me, the kind that have high-pitched voices and are really annoying. “Oh yes I did.” May said. She sounded more cheery now. “Brennan!” she yelled. I sighed coming down the stairs. I looked at the girls seeing their eyes sort of grow. I was confused at first then I noticed I had forgotten a shirt. “Crap” I muttered reaching the bottom of the stairs. “Well girls this is my son Brennan.” May said with a smile up at me. “Hello Brennan,” the girls said in unison. It sort of freaked me out how they seemed to look exactly alike. I simply nodded to them. “You should come out with us sometime,” the girl that was closest to the door said. I looked at her giving her a confused look. “You know since you know my name it only seems polite to tell me yours.” I said to her. I found it awkward to hold a conversation with someone when I didn’t even know his or her name. “Oh I’m terribly sorry I’m Clarissa Anna Lewis. I graduate tomorrow,” she gave me this sweet smile. I wasn’t going to lie she was gorgeous, but she wasn’t exactly my type either. “I graduate tomorrow too.” I said with a smile. “That’s great I’m going to the local community college for a few years then who knows where.” I smiled at her looking to May. May seemed to have read my mind. “Go put a shirt on and be back by dinner.” I chuckled running back upstairs. I put a black button up shirt on changing into black skinny jeans. I ran a comb through my hair and sprayed some Kilo Axe over my body sure that I smelled great. I didn’t know why I was trying to smell good and look good. I sighed going back downstairs. They were still standing in the doorway. I hugged May telling her I’d hurry home. She handed me a black wallet. “This is yours,” she smiled hugging me and watching me leave. I heard the door shut behind us and we started to walk to a convertible. Clarissa hopped into the drivers seat the other girls pilled in the back. Clarissa looked over to me with a smile. She patted the passenger seat. “Come sit I won’t bite,” she winked at me before putting her sunglasses on. This didn’t seem like it would be a great ride. I hopped into the passenger seat and she sped off before I had time to buckle my seat belt. I buckled my seat belt a minute later glancing over at her then staring at the world as we drive off.