Chapter One: Losing Everything

The last thing I saw was her tear’s running down her face as she flailed wildly. The policemen grabbing her from every angle, pinning her to a stretcher, strapping her down and putting her in the ambulance. Mental breakdown. You see my mother is schizophrenic and to top it off a multi-personality. Me, well I’m the only child. I haven’t even lived eighteen years yet and I’ve been in and out of foster homes. I’ve been in so many I have lost count. This ride, this ride I’m taking right now. I have taken it more than once and who knows how many more times I will take it.

            I’m Brennan Riz Taylor and I’m twelve years old. My mother is Sophia Anne Youngblood or as the prison calls her Say because of her initials. I was first taken away when I was eight. Our neighbors had called to police because of a ruckus. One minute I was hiding in a closet from someone who claimed to be Eliza and the next I was being put into a police car. I did the same thing as I am doing now. Looking back at her except this time I’m not crying. The first time that I was put into the system, it scared me to death. They finger printed me and got all of my information. They took my belongings and sent me to a room full of bunk beds and children six to nine. They assigned me a bed, handed me sheets, my belongings and left. I was alone. I made my bed the best that I could and put my stuff under the bed. As the days turned into weeks that turned into months I made friends and watched them leave. After a year I had completely shut down. I earned the nickname Riz and kept to myself for the most part. I had completely given up hope on ever seeing my mother again. I was now nine years old and almost ready to move into a room for ten to twelve year olds. Then out of nowhere my mother appears at the door. I could hardly believe it was her, standing there looking right at me. She smiled to me holding out her arms. I couldn’t help the emotions that had run through me at that moment. I ran to her, jumping in her arms. I buried my face in her hair and cried. She hugged me tight telling me it would all be okay now. That she was better. I had fallen for the lie. I wasn’t home a year before I was put right back into the system. A week before my ninth birthday she broke and again I was taken away in a police car. This happened ten more times before I was twelve and each time I fell for the lie. It would all be okay. So as of now I am now returning to the same place that I’ve been to twelve, now thirteenth. After we rounded the corner, the ambulance now out of site, I decide to turn around, seeing the policeman for the first time. He’s a middle-aged man possibly in his early thirties with dark brown hair, no facial hair, and a small mole on his white cheek. He has dark brown eyes and a firm grip on the wheel. He glances in the rearview mirror meeting my eyes for a fraction of a second. A small smile reached his face, as he seemed to relax. “So kid what’s your name?” he asked me kindly. “I would ask you the same thing.” I said plainly. “You’re pretty smart for being so young, but I’m officer Matthews” he glanced in the mirror once more then back to the road. “Now it’s your turn.” I looked at him. He seemed equally smart. “They call me Riz.” I told him adjusting in my seat. I never remembered any of the officers ever talking to me before. I had never even bothered to talk to any of the officers. Talking to them wasn’t much of a love of mine. I just wanted to get where I was going and wait for my mother to come and lie to me again. As we reached the building he got out and opened my door. I looked up at him. He was taller than I thought. “I’ve been here before I don’t need a babysitter.” I started to walk up the stairs to the front door. Officer Matthews followed me in. He obviously didn’t know that they knew who I was. I walked in and up to the desk. The receptionist turned around seeing me she looked shocked. “Don’t look shocked May.” I said with a smile. “Well Riz baby this is the third time this year I’ve seen you,” she looked to the officer. “Officer Matthews I take it this is the first time you’ve brought Riz here,” she chuckled as he nodded. “Well you don’t have to escort Riz in. He knows his way around.” Officer Matthews nodded once more, turned on his heels and left. “Come over here Riz,” May asked me. I walked over to the other side of the desk. She wrapped her arm around me pulling me onto her lap. “Riz darling your mother won’t be coming to pick you up anymore. No more lies Riz. We’re going to put you on the adoption list. We’re going to find you a great family Riz,” she smiled at me and I couldn’t help, but smile back. Even though in my heart I didn’t want to. I got down looking at May. She smiled getting up and walked with me to the room for ten to twelve year olds. My birthday was two days away so I would be moving to the teens room. Everyone thought the teens room was the best. Something about them being “big kids”. I looked to May. “My birthday’s in two days can’t I just go to the teens room?” I asked her. She smiled to me. “Sure since your birthday is so close,” she walked me down a different hallway in to opposite direction of the younger kids rooms. She walked me into the room at least three times bigger than the ten and twelve-year-olds rooms. I walked in May smiling to me telling me it would all be fine. She hugged me lightly before returning to the front. Years went by and I stayed in this room. Watched as people left and more came. I actually made friends. It seemed teens were hardly ever adopted. So I made friends. My best friend was Mickey Deleon James. We all called him MJ. By now I’m seventeen and still in the system. If I don’t find a family before my eighteenth birthday they’ll send me out on my own. To face the world that’s always been against me. I haven’t seen my mother since that day Officer Matthews took me away for the final time when I was twelve. The sad truth about it is that I don’t even miss her. I don’t want to see her. I don’t call her my mother anymore. When I’m asked about my parents I simply say I don’t have any. I’m the best-known kid in this place. I’m everyone’s favorite person. The younger kids call me to read their stories or clean a skinned knee. It’s always me. I never minded. I wanted to give them a sense of belonging. I wanted to make their stay less scary than mine was. I was completely alone when I first came here. I can remember how scared I was. I can remember the bullying and the pain. I can remember the lies I was told and the thoughts of  “what if I could just die”. I remember it all. I wanted them to remember being read to, being loved, and not being scared. I would walk them to the door as they left and greet the new ones. I was different from the other teens. I was trying to help someone else have a sense of belonging when I felt alone. I wanted to make sure they never lost their life, their spirit, when I did. I was completely dead inside, but I made sure that the light never left any of their eyes. I tucked each one of them in, even if it took me three hours to get to them all. I made sure they were all happily tucked in and sleeping before I myself would leave. I went by May giving her a hug before finally going to bed. I fell asleep around one, two in the morning and got up at six with everyone else. We all got up and did chores, got dressed, ate, brushed our teeth, took showers, stuff of that nature, before getting on buses that took us to the nearby public school. School was hell just like everything else. I got constant comments about being a good for nothing kid. A kid no one wanted. I kept looking at the clock almost running out to the bus as the bell rang. Once everyone was there we left. MJ sat by me smiling. He was always happy no matter how bad the situation was. He would be eighteen in a few months and then he’d have to leave. On the other hand he could get adopted and leave. Either way I’ll be alone once more. I would only have the kids until I turned eighteen. We arrived back at the home in around fifteen minutes. We all got out going through the back door and back to our rooms. I walked to my bed seeing that MJ’s bed, that was next to mine, was empty. As in the sheets were gone and the area around it empty. I looked to MJ who looked just as shocked as I was. Just as our confusion was beginning to fade we saw a couple in their mid forties walk in. They smiled walking straight to MJ. “Hello Mickey,” they said the woman hugging him. “I’m Gwen and this is my husband Mark Thompson,” I couldn’t help, but stare at them. I knew what they were about to say. I knew and it made my stomach turn. “We’ve just signed the papers and we’re your new parents.” Shock crept across MJ’s face as he turned to look at me. I could see for the first time ever, sadness in his once joyful eyes. There was silence all around the room and I noticed that his new “parents” were fidgeting nervously. I faked my smile looking to MJ. “It’s okay man, you got a home. Don’t let it go MJ. Live it for both of us.” I walked over to him holding out my hand. We did our handshake that we had made up. A silent tear ran down each of our faces. He pulled me into a hug. “Man you know I got to hug you,” he chuckled and turned to everyone. “You all take care of my main man Riz here okay. He’s been here all his life. You watch him for me.” He turned to me with a smile. “I will find you again man. We’re more than friends. We’re brothers. We will meet again,” he gave me a final hug and I looked at Gwen. She was looking at me with a look of sorrow in her eyes. I broke away from her gaze and sat on my bed. I watched the door until I couldn’t see MJ anymore. Just like everyone else, MJ was gone. He now had a home and this was still mine.