My Life (part 2)

My Life doesn't seem to have the ability to be a book, but I don't know. This doesn't seem to be a very long chapter, but i don't know. If you think it has the possibility to be a small book tell me.

You know how freshmen year goes, you’re scared out of your mind because you’re at the bottom. You’re at the bottom of the food chain and everyone’s looking at you to pick on and to make fun of. Then you have to worry about freshmen week. The entire week dedicated to making your new high school life hell. You have to worry about getting shoved in lockers and trash cans and constantly look down to see if someone’s trying to trip you. The first days always the hardest right? Trying to figure out where to go and who to talk to. You just don’t know what to do and me, well I should have been a  perfect victim for freshmen week. However, that wasn’t the case. From the moment I stepped foot into that school all eyes were on me. Everyone was looking at me and wanting to talk to me. People left and right wanted to be my friend and hang out with me at lunch. This wasn’t what I had planned for my first day, but I couldn’t have changed it. No matter how bad I wanted to change it. 

For the next three months I hung out with my new found friends; who mostly consisted of juniors and seniors. I didn’t find myself hanging out with the rest of the freshmen, but being almost suffocated by the attention of the upperclassmen. Of course later all the attention I got made a lot more sense. See, there was this list, and it was called the “Screw List” and all it consisted of was a bunch of girls that the boys of the upperclass wanted to try and hookup with. As luck would have it I was one of those girls on that list. Being on the list didn’t bother me, but it should have been a red flag, but me being as blind as I always am decided to ignore the giant red flag flying right in my face. That’s when the trouble started for me. When I met him, fell for him, and dated him.

He was six foot two with a six inch purple mohawk. He was skinny with light brown eyes and a crooked grin. He had a light dusting of freckles on his cheeks. He played the piano, the guitar, and the violin. He was funny and an overall cool guy to hang out with and he was a senior. He was friends with a close friend of mine. So since we shared a common friend we eventually became friends ourselves. We weren’t the type of friends that hung out everyday and we weren’t the type of friends that hung out outside of school. Hell we didn’t even talk in the hallways that much. We might say hi to each other every now and then, but never everyday. I don’t know how it could have possibly happened, but the next thing I knew I had developed a crush on him.

As the months went on my crush only grew. I didn’t understand what was happening and I didn’t exactly understand why it was happening. All I knew is that every time I saw him I felt warm inside. Every time he touched me I felt like I had been shocked and every time he looked at me I started to blush. Whether he ever noticed, I still don’t know. Then one day I decided to tell my closest friends what I was feeling towards him. I didn’t know what would happen. I was only a freshmen and he was a senior. Things like that never lasted. I told them exactly what I felt about him and they were ecstatic. They ran and told him without my permission and I ran the opposite direction. I ran to get away from what I was sure was school wide embarrassment. I made it upstairs before he eventually found me and walked me to class. I looked at the ground the whole time not knowing what to do. He grabbed my hand out of nowhere and asked me to be his girlfriend right there in the hallway. I was shocked, but managed to utter out “sure.” It was then that it began. December 8th 2009 was when everything changed. I’ve never been the same person since that day.

We didn’t act like a couple for a few days because, after all I had never had a boyfriend so I didn’t know how to act. He gradually got me to hold his hand in the hallways and even managed to take my first kiss. He walked me to class, ditched class to see me at lunch, drew pictures for me, and made me feel like I mattered. For weeks I was the happiest girl on earth. I didn’t believe I could be any happier than I was in that moment. Little did I know he had yet another surprise headed my way. 

Christmas was our first holiday together and he made it the greatest Christmas I had, had in a long time. He got me so many different presents I didn’t know where to start. He had bought me a Jack skeleton shirt because, I loved “The Nightmare Before Christmas.” He got me a rose, but the biggest gift he got me was a ring tied to a stuffed dog. He got down on one knee right there in my grandmas living room and told me he promised to be with me forever. He opened that little red box and there was a diamond ring sitting inside. It was beautiful. It was silver and not gold because, he knew I didn’t like gold. He slipped it on my finger and it fit perfectly. I had never even told him what my ring size was. After only seventeen days of dating he had promised a life time with me. He had promised forever. The rest of my Christmas was amazing. He took me to dinner and took me downtown where we ran in the snow and made snow angels. We had snowball fights and kissed in the snow. Nothing could have taken me away from him. I was in love. I was one hundred percent in love with him and everything about him. 

The next month brought more snow angels, snow men, snowball fights, kisses, and my birthday. However, it also brought problems. He ditched me on New Years to go drinking. I let it blow over though and tried not to get to mad. On my birthday he didn’t get me anything. He came over and ate a small slice of cake and that was it. We took a few pictures and he left. It wasn’t my greatest birthday by far and it really made me feel hurt, but I let it blow over because I loved him. As more weeks went by we got more and more intimate. It was to fast for me, but I would do anything for him. He also started to act strangely. I saw him less and less and he started to act distance. A little over a month into our relationship and just weeks after our engagement he were already having problems. 

More weeks went by and during those weeks we started to argue. We started to argue over stupid things and he started to get controlling. I wasn’t allowed to have any male friends. If he saw me talking to a guy he was by my side in seconds to tell them to leave. After they left he would promptly let me know that I was his and I was not allowed to look or talk to another guy. So, I didn’t. He took me from my friends and isolated me completely to the point where he was the only person who would talk to me. I was completely alone and he had made me that way, but I didn’t leave him because I loved him. 

It was Valentines Day that we got in our first big fight. I had gotten sick the day before Valentines Day. I had contracted the H1N1 virus and couldn’t go to school until I was better. However, I woke up early Valentines Day morning to go to school so I could get the presents he had gotten for me. I didn’t want him to walk around school with my presents feeling stupid so I went up there to get them. Though my whole body ached, but I managed to get there in time to catch him before he went in. He gave me my presents and walked off without a word or a kiss goodbye. I felt my heart shatter, but I looked at my presents and they gave me hope that everything was still okay. Later that day, after school was long over, he sent me a message through facebook and promptly gave me a verbal lashing like none I had ever experienced before. He told me how I was a terrible girlfriend for making him feel stupid. How I should feel terrible for doing such a thing to him and how I better be sorry. He told me it better never happen again and it didn’t. I made sure I stayed in line and never did anything to upset him, but somehow he always managed to find a way to get mad at me. 

After that day nothing was ever the same. No matter what I did it was never enough for him. I couldn’t do anything right. Every choice I made it was the wrong one and he always let me know by verbally assaulting me harsher every time. I hung my head and listened to what he said and never said anything, but sorry. I had learned not to say anything. He had already left bruises on my wrists from grabbing me to hard. He had left them on my arms when he would grab them to pull me where he wanted me to go. I was his. I was not his fiancé. I was his property and as long as that ring was on my finger I had to do what he told me to do when he told me to do it. I had no other opinion. 

As time went on I fell further and further into his grip. I was suffocating and I didn’t know how to get out. One night I went over to help him babysit his brother and sister, but babysitting was the last thing on his mind. He took me to his room as soon as his parents left the house and took my clothes off. I didn’t do anything, but stand there and try not to cry. He laid me down and fear hit me. I didn’t want to do this, but if I tried to stop him I didn’t know what would happen to me. So, I laid there. I felt relief flood my body when the dogs started to bark and his brother yelled that my dad was here. He jumped from the bed and put his clothes back on before running to the living room to occupy my dad. I got up slowly got dressed and walked out of his room. He had just told my dad that I was in the kitchen. My dad took me home that night and I cried myself to sleep. I didn’t want to be in the situation I was in, but there was no way out for me. I felt as if my life was over.

I never went back to his house alone. If he asked I told him that my dad had told me no. He was mad at me like he always was, but he took the excuse and left it at that. Months went by and it never did stop. He continued his reign of terror over me and I stayed the loyal girlfriend who knew how to fake the smile and act like I was okay. I knew what to say when people asked me how my relationship was and I knew what not to say. When May rolled around things started to really change. He avoided me more, but still kept his hold on me firm. On the last day of school while we were at our schools annual end of the year party he broke up with me. I felt my heart break, but yet I felt relieved. I was sad because he was the only relationship I had ever known and I didn’t know what I’d do without him. I didn’t know how to act anymore. He had always told me what to do and how to act. Without him telling me, I was lost. He told me that it was because he was leaving and I was still in high school and that I would never see him again. I left it at that and I cried. I didn’t want him to see me cry, but I did and he walked away. He left me standing there alone and crying. My first relationship was over and now I was lost. I didn’t know how to act anymore. After months of being told what to do and when to do it, what to say and what not to say, and when to do what, I didn’t know what to do anymore. He had left me broken with no way of knowing how to fix myself. So after it was over I just existed. I existed through the summer and the rest of the year 2010. Then February 26th 2011 I met him.

Reviews

[Laura Lynn]

Surprisingly, this does not appear to have been reviewed. I don't know who you are , & must not care. The contrast of experiences teaches us a lesson. I don't know what lesson, but some lesson. Why we don't all I don't know. We don't and it must be good to be loved so. I must take greater care, being challenged to live with a vague smidgeon/faint glimmer of appreciation for own life experience, perhaps to write like this.......scene with comparisons fully fleshed blown. Then again, it is different to be different ages and there is and is not. Why this should matter I know not, but it must be worth taking the time to drwawl. (I'm collecting this in my subconscious for later use or current it hits me whole. To say it here doesn't do any good for you unless it always does for sometimes a person to speak to another rubbing us some way right then wrong, or wrong then right. Verbose.