Labor

The dimness is beckoning

my mind, my hands

to cease, to rest.

 

Why not?

 

 If he, the powerful sun,

All-embracing, all-encompassing,

Calls the moon, the stars,

to replace him in his place

Then why not allow

The fainting mind

The jaded hands

To have their own

flatten moment.

Author's Note

The image in the photo was the view I behold when I looked outside my room's window while taking a pause from an all day multiple tasks; taken to freeze the moment in time.

Reviews

[Sir Joe]

I didn't know you've been keeping a lot of great works here. Count this one in!
You posted this more than a month ago but I read this just now.

I don't regret logging on, despite the light-headedness that I am experiencing right now, for I got the chance to come across this poem of yours.

Labor. At first I thought the poem will be about giving birth to a baby. But when my eyes rolled upon the first stanza, my mind shifted to "being at work" and the tiresomeness that one may experience from it.

"The dimness is beckoning my mind, my hands to cease, to rest." -- these words suggest that the usual morning-'til-afternoon work extends up to evening (clue:dimness). The natural transition of daylight to night time beckons the poetic persona's mental and physical being to take a break. It's not mentioned, though, as to whether or not he/she ceased to work through the rest of the night.

What could be the work being done by the poetic persona? It must be something so routine and physically and mentally draining (clues; "mind" representing the poetic persona's brain or mental capacity; and "hands" as a representative part of his/her physical body).

The "Why not?" there, when elongated, would go this way: "Why not grant my exhausted mind and body some rest?".

The last stanza, for me, is the highlight of the poem. It gives the text poesy and meaning. The comparison between the sun and the poetic persona is well-established. In spite of the power generated by the sun onto a certain phase of the earth, it also needs time to keep its rays from that certain point, so as to allow the moon and the stars to provide coolness to that sun-sweltered part of the earth. Likened to this natural phenomenon, man should also take some time to take his strength off his work in order to let him direct it to another thing that shuns his tiredness from work. Rest is probably the best solution to exhaustion. It is what the poetic persona is badly wanting to have.

In addition, the "why not?"(second stanza) is reechoed in the third stanza with much clarity, particularity and completeness, compared to the ambiguity of the second stanza.

The message is so clear to me now. However, I would like to suggest a few changes which you may or may not incorporate into this poem:

1. Capitalize what must be capitalized -- the first letter of each line in the poem.

2. Use the simple present tense in the third line of the first stanza, so it becomes "Calls the moon, the stars". This will emphasize the permanence and the inevitable recurrence of that particular natural phenomenon.

3. End your poem with a question mark (?). I believe the ending is a question.


Lastly, damn! You know what I mean. =)


- joe

[Peter H]

hmmmmmmmmm i like this one very intricate and well themed a problem that one ponders about steadily :)

[Belle]

If I remember it well, the first poem I reviewed from you, like this one from me, tells about Labor.

[Peter H]

yea the workers conflict i'm flattered that you remember belle :)

[Belle]

As I understood very well your struggle inscribed in that philosophical poem, so I can't help not to to comment...

[Peter H]

lol true relativity does cause such things

[Belle]

Or is it universal commonality? :)

[Peter H]

i wrote it with that in mind because i never heard of much people enjoying their work life so you maybe right :)

[Rahul]

Nicely penned. words're powerful here.

[Creepy Swine Guy]

Resisting the dimness is futile. the dimness will eventually have you if this is it's will. Besides, in sleep, there is peace.

[gabrielle]

The value of our work could only be best appreciated when we have a healthy self. Once in a while, we need to breathe and enjoy the fruits of labor. We all deserve that. Wonderful write.

[Pax]

~ smiling here ~

From time to time we need a moments of rest - away from those stressful reality, a day off from this insane world(you have said that to me) ~ Now i wonder why these poem called labor ~ and for me it goes for two things ~ one is a mother is on labor ~ two is one person is on a task of hard labor(work) ~ so i go for the second one coz it fits the intended meaning ~ :D ~ you needed your moments Dear Belle, coz you deserved it ~ ako I'm doing my lazy things just to stay sane from this insane world we live in :) ~

another great work ~

[Tree]

Much like your last piece I appreciated the tone, your search for brevity. You are thinking and wondering out loud, but in a quiet, sad and dignified way. Connecting the acts of nature to our own moods and spiritual being I would say has been happening since the dawn of man's time, on this earth. I think we are lost in our man made cubicles, technology and plastic and ––––concrete worlds. We who ask questions are searching for the way out... That is what I will take with me; thank you for sharing this.

[Corset]

to rest, to allow yourself rest, I love the way you ended this with the flattening of the hands, that just says so well, with such a strong vision of stillness, even as one turns from day to night, or to rest as on the seventh day, a time to lay it all down. beautiful write.

[Sami Khalil]

" why not allow
The fainting mind
The jaded hands
To have their own
flattened moment."
Life and studies can be tiresome and they can take a toll on our minds and bodies. We need rest to charge our batteries and clear our minds with a new page of tomorrow. We are humans after all not machines of no wills. The need to rest is just as important as the will to survive ( Sami Khalil )
Thank you for the inspiration Miss Belle...Always a pleasure and a delight reading your work...
Joke : You have rested enough , so please write more poem...Just kidding...:)

[Belle]

Sami, my friend. You never fail in making me smile--a lot!
Today is vacant day ( election day, I suppose to say), so I am taking joy by being here in the cafe. A cafe without any cup of coffee. :)
Thank you for being on my page again, I really appreciate your presence.

[Sami Khalil]

Hahaha. On this cafe , we brew love poetry and sweet nectars...Just kidding...You are welcome...:)

[Androglossia]

You are your own master. The captain of your own ship. You need not ask why. The question is when? Great piece as always.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

besides the labor taking a break..i also see this referring to the muse...sometimes we have to take a break from writing, if she will let us...she rarely does...

but we need "flattened moments"---to let us rest our minds..and recollect our thoughts.

love this piece

jacob

[Belle]

Good take, Mr. Jacob. Thank you.
I always remember you as an excellent reader of metaphor.